I swear that when I was aboard that plane the rice krispie squares I had gave me such heartburn I swore and by mistake deleted the chart on my laptop. With scorn I called over the stewardess and threw the laptop and the starch filled dinner that had grown cold in her face.. She was the source of my anger..she shouldn’t have fed me this fare. I saw another stewardess barge toward me..oh another thorn in my chest..this heartburn! The other stewardess looked like she was trudging through a marsh..but within seconds she was near me and with a mighty force and a harsh way about her..she threw a life jacket at me. I thought they were scarce in a plane..the jacket was coarse and a flare was attached to it..which confused me Was she going to throw me off the plane? The other stewardess picked up the food I threw and put it back on my tray. “This course was three hours in the making! Now eat it! Or do I need to pull out my sword!?? And I think I saw one tied to her waist!!

My dearest? I ate that food..licked my tray clean!

Signed,

Me.

With all my HEART, I SWEAR that I will get you aboard the S.S. SQUARES. You know, I SWORE I would. I nabbed the passenger CHART from Captain SCORN’s desk while he was busily scratching his neck – too much STARCH in his collar – thanks to moi. Well, my dear Jones, my SOURCE tells me that this ship sails tomorrow, so I’ll hide the boarding FARE underneath the BARGE moored alongside our good ship, the Squares.

I received your beautiful rose this morning, pricked my finger on a THORN, but your love has always brought me pain. Remember that picnic by the MARSH, you FORCED yourself upon me, your words were rather HARSH. I SCARCE know why I am doing this for you now, but I have to let this COARSE and crude affair FLARE and dim at its own pace; let it take its COURSE. I do hope you will have the decency, however, to keep your “SWORD” sheathed during our voyage back to the States.

I await our next meeting with much exhiliration…

Yours,

Guinness