Amy was never quite sure where her place was in life. Beautiful, brainy, but withdrawn, she went through life as an observer. College proved a disappoint, not academically, but socially. Dabbling in theatre gave her an in with some people she found interesting, but she just couldn’t quite connect. Every time she’d start a conversation, her heart would start beating too fast and she could barely keep her breath even. Feeling embarrassed, she’d turn and leave. “Go on,” she’d mutter to herself, “leave before anyone discovers what a freak you are.” Hardly a day would go by without her feeling like she’d never lead a normal life. “I’m destined to die a miserable, lonely fool, ” she’d tell her reflection. “Just look at me.” Knowing she at least had her looks, though, would sometimes give her a little boost. Love, though, even friendship, just seemed out of reach. Marriage may as well have been a colony on the moon, as unattainable as it seemed. Never would she have imagined that it was so very, very close. On a cold day in her senior year, she sat waiting for the bus to take her to the other side of campus. Parked near the bus stop was a car she’d seen around, an orange something-or-other that reminded her of the Dukes of Hazzard car. Quite out of place on the elite campus, it sat bold and unapologetic, awaiting what Amy imagined was a bold, unapologetic, and ruggedly handsome driver. Running her hands quickly through her hair, she wondered if today was the day she’d finally see who drove that car. “Soon,” she whispered to herself, “let him get here soon, before the bus, please.” Tucking her hair nervously behind her ears, she looked around, and there he was, she was sure of it. Up and down, up and down, her chest went as her breath came in short gasps. “Very handsome, very–” she thought to herself as he walked right up beside her. “Wanna ride?” he asked her, totally oblivious to the fact that she felt like she was going to pass out. “Xavier Duratino,” he said, holding his hand out to her. “You are?” “Zena Amelia Johnson,” she replied, and as she reached for his hand, she felt her whole body relax in a way she’d never felt before, and she knew she’d finally found her place in life.

I don’t know how cohesive this is but here we go.

At the beginning of this story, I was doubtful I do what was asked. But, after reading the instructions, I believe I can. Come what may, I will try. Don’t count me out. Even if I don’t succeed, I will go quite far. Far be it from me to say that others could not do it too. Goodness, most of them are probably smarter than me. However, I have more time. I will likely be the only one who wastes his time on this. Just the same, I want to do it. Keep the boss away for a while so I can get this done. Lord forbid, she should catch me. My job would be in jeopardy. Never again would I have the benefits available through my employment here. Only my therapist would understand why I risked my job to do this. Please don’t let my wife know why it lost my job. Quite recently, I told her I was no longer addicted to Yahoo Answers. Rebecca won’t be happy when she learns the truth. She will want to kill me. That would only get her in trouble too. Until I can cure this addiction, I will be a mess. Very soon, I will be committed to an institution. What a sad turn of events. X-rays will reveal nothing of course. Yet, I will still be committed. Zoologically speaking, I am dog meat.

A hunt for the mysterious burglar was inevitable. But it was triggered at Ace Detective Agency with the strident ringing of the phone. Calling was their most regular client, Mrs. Hammer.

Dandy, the agency driver had always fancied willowy ladies. Feeling sleepy, he took a nap at his desk with his head thrown back and his mouth hung wide open. Grinning In his dream, he saw a tall, brown and doe-eyed belle with beautiful broad shoulders, provocatively hips, and a terrific down-south accent. He observed she was dressed smartly in a black and white suit that hugged her body sensually like the stripes of a zebra, accentuating her lovely curves. In tears she pleaded earnestly and humbly on her knees for him to marry her while he sat back on a reclining chair, fanning himself like a local chief, with his legs crossed casually. Joyously, he puffed at a fat cigar and blew smoke in her face as he considered the attractive offer carefully and that was when the phone rang, shattering his dreams.

“Kindly speak up! Lord, I can’t hear you! May who? No, Randy here! Oh dear, really? Please, we will be right there. Quit crying!” Randy Ace dropped the phone which had rudely interrupted Dandy’s daydreams and he awoke with a start. So, the mysterious burglar had broken into Mrs. Hammer’s apartment? Thieving swine! Until he was caught no house was safe. Valuables, vital documents along with jewellery and cash savings had been disappearing. Which was why Randy always advised folks to keep their stuff in the bank. Xian his girlfriend had kept her jewellry in a safe in her bedroom and had been so highly distraught when the burglar struck.

“Yank that foolish grin off your sleepy face, Dandy! Zeb the burglar has struck again!”

A

Bored

Cat

Decided

Education

Felt

Good.

However

Idiot

Jesus

Kept

Lustily

Molesting

Nurses

Obviously

Perverted

Queer

Reported

sharply.

Topically

Undecided

Voters

watch

x-rays

yawning

zzzzzzzzz