No, I would most definitely not send my child to a residential school. I understand that you are in a bind and must make a decision. and I do understand that you have been home with your son for six years.

I am a 47-year-old mother with a 7-year-old son who will soon be evaluated for ADHD/Asperger’s syndrome (high functioning autism). His behavior is sometimes “over the top ” too, and I have virtually no family support. My family and I live in different states. I have tried working from home for the last year, and it has not worked out well. Yet, I know that I must do what is best for me as well as my son and what is best for him is to be with his mother who loves him.

You will not be able to parent your child while he is in a residential home. I do not know how severe his autism is, but have you looked into whether your state/city offers “respite care,” so you can have a break every week or two?

Often disabled children are abused–physically and sexuallly–in residential home settings. I doubt if the home you have in mind is one of the better ones. I would not put my child in such a home, but I would seek out more therapy for him. Also, homeschooling is an option which you might want to research. You might also think about training for a career such as medical transcription where you can make a good living working from home; you could then have someone come into your home and watch D’Andre’ while you take a break. Additionally, take the initiative with the schools and pursue, pursue, pursue an appropriate IEP and subsequent implementation of that IEP. D’Andre’, like all children, is entitled to a free and appropriate public school education.

I understand the financial sacrifices one has to make when there is a child with special needs, yet we owe our children the world and they owe us nothing. We brought them into the world and whether the father is there to help or not, we must do all we can to take care of them. It saddens me, Robyn, that your family is not willing to help; perhaps your church, Easter Seals, or some other organization may help you. Research and look into all possible options.

I hope this is helpful.

Sometimes a child needs more than the public school is able to give, not because the teachers don’t care or the system is flawed, but because the child’s needs are so intense that they cannot be met in the standard school setting.

If this is the case, then your son may be better off in a residential school setting, and you are brave and courageous to put him there.

Think about it – if he had a serious medical problem you would go ahead and put him the hospital; he has a serious problem and you are getting him treatment for it. It’s not as though you were putting him into a prison and never going to see him again. Most facilities encourage visitation by families and even hold groups and classes for parents. They even help to work up a treatment plan to help the child transition back home, and make sure that you have the support you need to help your child.

It’s a shame that you don’t have any family support; if you get a negative response consider offering to allow D’Andre to live with them for awhile, since they think they can do a better job than you. Let them see what it’s like to walk a mile in your shoes, and maybe they won’t be so quick to judge.

Trust your instincts. Your his mother, you have his best interests at heart, and you know him best.

Good luck with this difficult decision.

If you think the school is not doing what it agreed to do in your son’s IEP, then it is very important that you call an immediate IEP team meeting and ask the team if they feel a residential placement is appropriate. One thing you do NOT want to do is make what they call a “unilateral placement”- that is when you decide all by yourself to put him in that school. If you do make a unilateral decision, the school district is not responsible for paying for the school. There may be another possiblity such as a private day school that would be a better placement for your son, but less drastic than residential placement and the school may suggest this as an alteranative that should be tried. You can also ask for a Functional Behavioral Assessment and a for a Behavior Intervention Plan. Once the school gets a handle on how to help your son regulate his behaviors, they may be able to help youuse similar strategies at home. With the right intervention, eventhe most sever behavior issues can improve.

Also, since your son is Autistic, you should be eligible for assistance from your state in the form of a respite worker who would come to your home so that you can take care of things like shopping and doctor’s appointments. Have you applied for benefits through your state?

If you do decide that residential placment is best for you and for your son for now, know that it takes great love sometimes to let go and do what you know is right even in the face of disapproval from others who do not understand.

P.S. If anyone gives you serious trouble about the idea, drop your son off at their house for an hour or two and then ask them what they think! Hang on!

You know, in days past, a mother was not expected to work as a 24-hour nurse! It just wasn’t done – children with disabilities usually went to residential facilities to be cared for by professionals. No one would expect even a married couple to handle the immense stress and pressure alone! And you’re a single mom, too, which is doubly hard.

The only way to really make it work otherwise, IMHO, is with a TON of family support. I am very lucky in that regard, and have an involved husband and own mom and dad to help out. I understand that it is probably better for him to be at home with you, all else being equal. However, it sounds like all else is NOT equal, in this situation – you are falling into quicksand, am I right? There will be benefits to him to have the kind of structure they can provide, as well.

Sometimes doing the best thing for our children means not letting our feelings of guilt get in the way of doing what’s *really* best for everyone. If you are not able to find any resources, such as family help, it might be worth looking into residential care, at least for a while. Also make sure that you are on the list for respite care, although it takes a few years to actually get any.

Best of Luck – I know that raising an autistic child is just about the hardest job in the world. God Bless.

I do not know what you are going through. I’m a special education teacher who gets to work with children with Autism during the day then go home to the peace and quiet of my home. I work in the public schools but did some observations in a residential treatment program while I was working on my masters in Autism.

Has the public school district helped you in every way? Do you have an in home trainer to help with your son transfering skills from the school setting to the home setting? Have you tried respite care for the weekend or a short term placement?

It is very important to exhaust all your possibilities before you look into a residential treatment program… especially if you want the school district to pay for it.

I think you need to look at the benefit he would or would not get in a residential school. I know given your situation it is hard to not look at the financial aspect of this situation and your current dire need, but some residential schools who are specifically set up for kids with autism and more severe behavior problems may make a positive difference in his life that should be considered. However if it is really just a warehouse for him while you can get on your feet I would not do it. It takes several years of good schooling and teaching to make up for one bad year and a bad residential school could make him even more difficult to live with in the long run. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says but make sure you are doing right by your son. I would definitely pursue your rights via the public school system. If you are in the U.S. and your child has extreme behavior difficulties you are entitled to a functional analysis assessment and a behavior intervention plan. Get a copy of your parent rights from your school district and there is usually free agency that can provide assistance for pursuing the IEP process more vigorously.

I did send my child to a residential school when he was 3 because I knew the more he could learn at a young age the better off he’d be when he was an adult. I knew that I could not teach him enough myself because I had not been trained on how to teach him.

It was hard on me to let him go, but I knew it was the best thing for me to do for him. He will soon be 41 and I am not sorry I did what I did for him.

I would suggest that you let him go, but not to a school run by a religious group because he will learn that God is good and the devil is bad and then repeat those things he was taught. Now he talks about the devil telling him to do bad things. Society thinks someone is mentally ill if they do. But for him it is his way of talking about the good and bad.

Again, please send him to a residential school and I wish you the best.

You should have him evaluated by a private evaluator and than have a school IEP conference and see if you can get them to pay for a private school for kids with learning disability. They have to if you can prove that being in the public school system hasn’t helped him. If he’s out of control than you may have to consider getting therapy for both of you. You don’t say what part of the country that you live in so I can’t help you with specific information, I’m in NY and only know

about the services available on the east coast. If you live here than e-mail me and I may be able to give you some more detailed information.

First, with the move, I would expect to see some regression. Even normal kids will regress in terms of learned skills when they go through some sort of major change. Autistic kids, who need stability and tend to have a hard time with change, are even more likely. Also, it sounds as if you moved towards the end of the school year. Is he in year round placement? If not, then you can expect to see more regression. I know from our experiences with our son, that summer breaks can do a lot of harm to autistic children. Constant repetion of learned skills as well as continuity of schedule are key. We see this sort of regression even when school breaks are longer than a week! As for states with services, at this point there is no one state that has outstanding services in all districts. CA has some good areas. So does MA. We live in MD, outside of DC and are fortunate to live in an excellant district, as well as in an area with a lot of programs, both in the public schools and private schools as well. The best way to find out about any district is to log onto one of the national autism awareness sites. Most will connect you to local groups. You can then post messages on the sites in the areas you are considering and ask parents for thier honest opinions and experiences. Generally speaking, you are more likely to find stronger services in areas around universities with strong education programs, major metropolitan areas and the suburbs with the higher taxe brackets (sad but true). We deliberately moved into an area we can barely afford to ensure not only our son’s current placement (he is 11) but to be in place for some top notch transitional programs (many of those start at around age 13) as well as being in place to qualify for one of the adult programs when the time comes. To be sure, the district is outstanding and it benefitted our daughter as well, but financially it is a struggle, but like you, one we make gladly. If you are interested on information in the DC area, please feel free to email me. I wish you the best of luck,

i would; it will help him adjust to life and give him the skills he may need to live a more independent life later