A few days ago
Anonymous

Find the mistakes in this paragraph please!!?

Younger children are more affected by media violence because they are less likely to understand the cause or reason behind the violent acts. They may have feelings of fear that will possibly linger into adult hood. Children that are exposed to media violence such as video game and/or movies are more likely to exhibit more anger and aggression than children with less exposure. Desensitization is very likely in children that are exposed to large amounts of media violence. As these children grow older they will have a greater acceptance of violence and less empathy for victims of violence.

Top 2 Answers
A few days ago
thl

Favorite Answer

In the first sentence, take out the “the” before “violent acts.” In the second sentence, “adult hood” should be “adulthood.” In the third sentence, video games should be pluralized, and the sentence needs to be reworded. As it stands right now, the sentence implies that video games and movies are examples of media violence, whereas, in reality, both games and movies merely contain examples of violence. In that same sentence, the second “more” is extraneous. In the last sentence, there should be a comma after the word “older.” As revised:

Younger children are more affected by media violence because they are less likely to understand the cause or reason behind violent acts. They may have feelings of fear that will possibly linger into adulthood. Children that are exposed to examples of media violence, such as those seen in video games and/or movies, are more likely to exhibit anger and aggression than children with less exposure. Desensitization is very likely in children that are exposed to large amounts of media violence. As these children grow older, they will have a greater acceptance of violence and less empathy for victims of violence.

Feel free to accept those edits completely or partially or not at all. Writing, after all, is an individual habit. These are just the errors I would correct if I were proofreading this paragraph.

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A few days ago
cute_britt_007
i dont think there is a mistake
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