No, just disregard your ex you have a right to be involved even in your step-kids’ education and it is wrong for her to step in otherwise. It isn’t your fault for what she is doing and it is great that you are a step-parent being involved in your step-kid’s education. Since you are so involved then they might look back in the future and think that if you weren’t involved they wouldn’t have such a good education. And for another example (thats why she’s his ex ) 🙂

Why didn’t you just ask the EX to send copies of reports cards? Or ask the kids and the EX?

Life is hectic for many parents who have a lot to keep track of and when a child has a separate life with separate parents, so why expect anything different?

I would be extremely upset if anyone did what you described! Why would you just not ask the EX for this info?

If he did it as a dad, yes that would be the right thing. But why did he ask you to do it? You and husband should take the divorce first program offered by the court. It is an excellent refresher course for effective co-parenting. It should have been required for married couples with kids but it never required if the parents were not married. Trust me, you need it……………If you continue to do it, she is entitled to fight for the right to restrict such information in court or to terminate your husband’s parental rights. Particularly if domestic violence and other “control” was an issue in the marriage.

If your husband has JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY of the children, then he has every right to know the grades of his children. He can even go down to the school and give the school a copy of his divorce decree that states his legal custody. Legally the school can not refuse to give him information on his children’s grades. (This is also true with any medical information.)

My advise is to make it as least painful as possible especially when the kids are involved, but make sure the father is involved in the grades and school activities.

Good luck!

Your husband’s ex is probably concerned that he (or you) is trying to find some “dirt” he (or you) can use against her, especially if there is ongoing litigation involving the children. This is a touchy area, and many schools will avoid getting involved in situations involving non-custodial parents and their new spouses. They provide reports to the “custodial” parent. She may also want to make the divorce between her and your husband be a divorce between the children and their father. Your involvement may be adding fuel to the fire; she may see you as “the other woman,” a competitor. Finally, as rational as it is for your husband to have access to his children’s records, his ex may see any questions as a challenge to her competence as a mother even when none is intended.

What specific rights you or your husband have will be determined by where you are and by the terms of the divorce decree and any orders regarding custody of the children that have been issued by the courts. Most jurisdictions will grant “physical” custody or “primary residence” to one parent, usually the mother, and “legal custody” will be awarded jointly to both parents.

In theory, joint legal custody gives your husband the right to not only know what is happening with his children in school, but the right be be consulted before any decisions are made regarding their education. In high conflict divorces this rarely proves workable in practice. Often the divorced parents will choose not to agree out of spite and will use these fairly basic decisions as a pretext for further conflict, ignoring the best interests of the children in the process. The courts rightly seek to avoid such conflicts.

Assuming the the orders specify joint legal custody, the most effective course you can take is to start by having your husband write a polite, businesslike letter to his ex specifically asking for copies of report cards and other school related information and suggesting that she and he meet and discuss educational decisions and results. It is also a good practice to keep a log or journal of all correspondence, communications and conversations he (and you) have with her on the subject.

If she doesn’t respond, refuses to co-operate, or acts to block access to school records, the next step is to have his lawyer repeat the process with her lawyer (assuming both are represented by lawyers). The hope here is that her lawyer will counsel her to be reasonable in order to avoid going to court. The lawyers will also counsel your husband if his request is seen (by either lawyer) as unreasonable.

If your husband’s request is reasonable, and is calculated to be in the best interests of the children and not incendiary, but his ex continues to stonewall, the next step is to have his lawyer prepare and file an “Order to Show Cause” and schedule a hearing before the judge. In this hearing his ex will be required to explain why she is not co-operating or show that she is.

It is important to be very careful if you get to the Order to Show Cause step; if she does show a cause that the court deems valid your husband could end up with an order that prohibits him from contacting the schools. Keep in mind that this will be a “he said – she said” hearing and the judge will have to decide which of the two of them to believe, so the better the documentation and evidence your husband has in the form of polite letters and log/journal entries the better. If there are legitimate concerns about the children’s education, any documentation or other evidence you have should be introduced. If it comes down to her testimony versus his, there are no serious educational issues amiss, and she is claiming that he is harrassing her, things will probably not go well for him. It is not at all unusual for fabricated claims to be presented, and to win in such a situation.

If your husband asked you to do this then you aren’t overstepping. Of course, legally you don’t have the right to the information- but he does so if it’s a shared email account there should be no problem. His ex can complain but she can’t legally shut him out.

The school can not keep the children’s school information from their father unless there is some legal restriction against him. And if he wants to share it with you, that is up to him. However, it would probably be better and less stressful for all concerned (especially the kids) if he dealt directly with the school himself.

Unless he lost parental rights and privileges in the divorce, your husband has equal rights to his children’s educational information.

your husband (and you by default) have every right to know his kids’ grades.