How do I stop my 4 yr old daughter from hitting?
I am a teacher and NOT an advocate of time-out or “sit down and think about what you are doing” in younger children, because most don’t know what they are thinking about. They realize you are upset with them, but why? I suggest taking away something that she likes. If she hits your son, no cartoons that day/evening or she goes to bed an hour earlier or you take her favorite toy away for an hour or two. Don’t make a chore like clean your room as a punishment, they’ll resent it.
As one suggested, talk to the teacher, see if she/he has observed any behaviors in the classroom that might be a cause of the increased bad behavior. Talk to your child, she is 4 and can be talked to “normally.” Ask her why she hit her brother, see what she says if anything. Explain to her that hitting and pinching is not something girls do especially to their big brothers. I know of a kindergarten teacher who encourages her students to use their voices not their hands/fingers. If someone bothers them, they are to yell (moderately) QUIT IT or STOP instead of hitting/pinching back. Personally, I’d rather have a yeller than a brawl. She has to understand that she isn’t the boss and other children don’t like bossy playmates. She cannot have things her way all the time and getting mad is not going to get what she wants. If you give into her madness by thinking if I give this to her she’ll hush, you will create a monster. Think 16 yrs old and wants a brand new car…she knows her entire life by throwing a fit and hitting she got what she wants. So she throws a “diva” fit. Good Luck
It would be o.k. given the age difference to teach the older brother at home to walk away. He doesn’t need to continue arguing with her and insisting he is right. If time out isn’t working it is probably because what she really wants is him to get out of her face and she taking her away from the situation is in effect accomplishing her desired outcome. I would also work on teaching her to walk away or saying something to her brother such as you are making me angry as a cue for him to walk away. You said the 9 year old has a short temper and argues with her and given the age difference what defense does she have? She can’t compete with a 9 year old for size or language capability.
You may also want to look at more logical or natural consequences. Sometimes not intervening is a good option because in the real world if you hit someone they are going to hit you back or not play with you etc. Secondly I guess I would want to know what they arguing about and is there a natural logical consequence that makes sense. IF they are arguing over what t.v. show to watch . the no one gets to watch t.v. it would encourage the kids to problem solve if no one gets their way. Try to make the consequences fit that situation if the arbitrary consequence of time out is not working.
And at the school what she is doing actually it is a reverse attitude of her which she could not do at home with her brother becuase of your consecutive interruption in their ‘free will’ where you are presenting youself as a class teacher not a loving mother.
This is the impact which you can see that because of your deep attention towards your child activities where your constant monitoring not allowing them to play freely and join each other, they are going arrogant whcih is certainly a negative impact of your advise or guidance. So better leave them alone, let them play alone, watch from away, keep hiding and watch from distance if you understand they will go extreme. Do this on trail basis, keeping away yourself I hope you will see the difference, let the baby play with her brother and her classmates. For God sake she is 4 years.
You need to begin to teach her other ways to deal with her frustrations. These sites may give you some leads. Best of luck with it.
i mean it sounds mean but seriously, i bet she will stop pinching!
if your not that type (hehe) then you could take something of hers away every time she pinchs and dont give it back until she hasnt hurt anyone for 24 hours. let her know this will happen every single time she pinchs…so you may have to take away multiple toys in one day
but she will get the point sooner or later!!
Hope this helps!
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