Help My Newphew— Advice at Least?
I have a newphew that visits us 2X a month whom I love, take out places, and teach morals to, and respect and boundaries….however, at church one time, I took his car away from him and he yells really loudly: ” I hate you. I’m going to tell my mom on you and she is going to kill you, and you gave me a scratch on my nose (which was one he came with to our house) and that you are hitting me.
2. We call him up on the phone during weekdays: He told my grandma: “Why are you calling me up what business is it of yours what I do?” My mom was shocked and saddened.
3. He tells me often that he’ll tie me up, that I’ll never see him again, and that the police will take him away for no reason.
Again we love our nephew, and we do not abuse him, but treat him with love and kindness, and we don’t know about his behavior which is unusual.
If he doesn’t get his own way, he’ll pull your shirt so hard causing it to tear, and he’ll bite you and hit you if he doesn’t get his own way? HELP ME!
It can be indicative of an abused child.
A child who says that he’ll tie you up, and the police will take him away, may possibly have been tied up himself, and he might be being silenced by threats that the police will take him away.
I don’t know what to tell you to do. Unless you can prove abuse, or at least show very strong evidence, the courts will not likely do anything. And if his mom and dad found out who reported then you might not be allowed to see him again. That would remove from him some people who really care about him.
You mentioned Church, so I assume you believe in God. Before you do anything pray for guidance. I will pray for you and your nephew as well.
Sorry I can’t offer you better advice, but you have to very careful in matters like this or a bad situation can become worse.
My first question is if you have kids of your own. If so, then under no circumstances should he come back – as sad as it is – until this is solved.
But assuming that you don’t you have choices depending on what the parents are willing to do. You will have to find that balance – do you tell him “no more” until he shapes up or will that make him feel abandoned by you and create more problems. And does he have the skills to shape up?
And a lot will depend on your relationship with his parents and what they may or may not tolerate from you.
If they will permit you to do so (are they the type that will stand behind you or be angry you disciplined their child?), you need to set strict rules and discipline measures for your home (Think Supernanny). You might be able to help some of this if you take a strong stand against this behavior in your home. Love and kindness does not mean that you put up with this. He may come to respect you without making him feel abandoned by you.
If this doesn’t work, the next option is for him to be into counseling and have you guys be a part of the program.
Firm discipline when he is with you is a must. Never shout or show anger, be firm and fair, he will get the message.
Also, children go through phases, this is probably one, but he needs direction, supervision and steered towards the right behaviour.
He’s 5. Hmmm, he needs a psychological evaluation. And I hate to tell you this, but the child’s conscience forms around 2 to 2 1/2 years old.
I would call Child Protection for them to investigate. I fear for your nephew’s future, frankly. He clearly sounds paranoid. If he grows up to be a danger to society, I hope you don’t protect him over society.
Sorry to sound so severe, but this kid is not normal, and something has been happening to him at his house. Sorry you didn’t notice it sooner.
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