The behavior you are describing is NOT normal.

It can be indicative of an abused child.

A child who says that he’ll tie you up, and the police will take him away, may possibly have been tied up himself, and he might be being silenced by threats that the police will take him away.

I don’t know what to tell you to do. Unless you can prove abuse, or at least show very strong evidence, the courts will not likely do anything. And if his mom and dad found out who reported then you might not be allowed to see him again. That would remove from him some people who really care about him.

You mentioned Church, so I assume you believe in God. Before you do anything pray for guidance. I will pray for you and your nephew as well.

Sorry I can’t offer you better advice, but you have to very careful in matters like this or a bad situation can become worse.

This is a hard situation.

My first question is if you have kids of your own. If so, then under no circumstances should he come back – as sad as it is – until this is solved.

But assuming that you don’t you have choices depending on what the parents are willing to do. You will have to find that balance – do you tell him “no more” until he shapes up or will that make him feel abandoned by you and create more problems. And does he have the skills to shape up?

And a lot will depend on your relationship with his parents and what they may or may not tolerate from you.

If they will permit you to do so (are they the type that will stand behind you or be angry you disciplined their child?), you need to set strict rules and discipline measures for your home (Think Supernanny). You might be able to help some of this if you take a strong stand against this behavior in your home. Love and kindness does not mean that you put up with this. He may come to respect you without making him feel abandoned by you.

If this doesn’t work, the next option is for him to be into counseling and have you guys be a part of the program.

good luck

That’s a very disturbed child. School should prove interesting. Someone has to bite the bullet and confront his parents so that he gets the help he needs. A good therapist or intervention program should be able to get to whatever is behind that behavior. I’d guess he hears that kind of threat when his parents are fighting In the meantime, make it quite plain that you love him but you cannot put up with his behavior and if it continues you will have to take a break from seeing him. Then follow through for a week or two and try again. Remain calm but firm.

Sweet heart your nephew is crying out for help. There is something going on here and you need to find out what it is. If it were my nephew I would take a few days off work and do a little snooping. The first thing I would do is grab a video camera and stake out his house. Make sure the camera has a good tape on it so if this poor child is being screamed at you will have the proof you need to back it up. After a few days of the stake out you will know what type of help your nephew needs. The one thing that scares me the most is there is no mention of the parents reaction to this. If they are divorced then at least one of them should be paying attention to all this. What parent does he live with and how does he act at home? Do your best to look at this with an open mind. It sounds bad watching him on tape and seeing things in hind sight will help you and all parties involved.

That child is either being abused at home, or is suffering from mental illness. Kids don’t learn language and behavior like that out of a clear blue sky. Have you discussed the problem with the boy’s parent that is your sibling? If necessary, you will have to intervene. It is not enough to be shocked and saddened. What you have described is enough to have the child removed from the home, but hopefully you can help find another way to help him, if the parent admits that help is needed.

That’s so sad. I would tell him you won’t let him come over anymore until he starts being nice. Children like that learn from somewhere so either he is being abused at home or he’s watching bad television. It could even be picked up at a friend’s house. I would talk to his mom/dad and find out what the deal is. There is no reason a 5 year old should be even THINKING about saying those things.

Assuming from your letter that he is nor being abused , I would say he is desperate for boundaries and is testing you for your response. When he makes these rude comments , they have to be backed up with a punishment,like taking away something he likes or time outs. If you or an adult doesn’t tell him that his behavior is unacceptable you are doing him a great disservice by letting him grow up speaking this way with no consequences. He will surely have trouble with other adults and friends later in life. Your punishment is a gift to him.

He’s learning this from his home. You need to have a good talk with the parents. This behaviour needs to be controlled and stopped before it gets way out of control.

Firm discipline when he is with you is a must. Never shout or show anger, be firm and fair, he will get the message.

Also, children go through phases, this is probably one, but he needs direction, supervision and steered towards the right behaviour.

I too think this might be abuse. You should call Child services and tell them what you told us. And when I call my nephews a parent answers where is MOM?? Most parents will not allow a child to speak like that to adults. Something is definitely wrong.

Sure is unusual, and whatever is the cause, it is going on at home.

He’s 5. Hmmm, he needs a psychological evaluation. And I hate to tell you this, but the child’s conscience forms around 2 to 2 1/2 years old.

I would call Child Protection for them to investigate. I fear for your nephew’s future, frankly. He clearly sounds paranoid. If he grows up to be a danger to society, I hope you don’t protect him over society.

Sorry to sound so severe, but this kid is not normal, and something has been happening to him at his house. Sorry you didn’t notice it sooner.