About as much fun as you can have at a minimum wage job.

Like a hug from Aunt Myrtle.

On a scale from 1 to peanut butter, I’d say it was about a catfish.

Somewhere between STUPENDOUS and INSIPID. So, I guess that would make it STU-PID.

Like chopping off my right hand …only, I missed. See? (You can show them your right hand …if its still there.)

I went to the Simpson’s Movie 12 times. You figure it out.

Bored? Did you say, “Bored?” I wasn’t BORED!!!

Did you know my dog pants at the rate of three puffs per second between each time he licks his nose?

AND, NOW, IN THE EVENT YOU HAD A REALLY GOOD SUMMER –

It was like eating pizza while watching a magnificent sunset at the beach where some buff beach gods were playing volleyball …naked.

It was like a symphony of ice cream, flowers, sky diving and romance.

If I told you, you’d wet your pants.

If I were a dog, I would have caught my tail.

Do you like cheese? Yes? Well, it was better than cheese. What about chocolate, do you like chocolate? Yes? It was better than chocolate. Do you like sex? Yes? So do I.

I think i have the flu or something.

My summer is so boring I actually got a job counting grains of sand at the beach for something interesting to do.

I had a cool summer. I carve bits of the Grand Canyon out at night when no one is around to see, just like my family has done for thousands of years.

When they ask you where you went, say, “Cleveland, Ohio.” They will walk away…puzzled.

“Still calculating, and thanks for asking.

Upon Autumn’s arrival, it will have Summed,

and at that point in the equation, we’ll know,

won’t we?”

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