here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the illegal’ side.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose solepurpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETONIC (peh ton’ ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in frontof a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number andforgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dogpresses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always lettingthe phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.