A few days ago
Anonymous

I need help me about this part…..tnx?

I should submit an overview of my project that has been about Electronic Learning Technologies for the higher education university that I am going to apply. The whole of my project was about 100 pages but its overview, that I should submit will be almost 7-8 pages. Actually I’m not even sure if it’s good to present this part of the project that is a survey about my country in the beginning this project overview or not…..

I would be glad to know your idea about this part and also anything related to its English writing,etc, that may improve its writing quality.

tnx.

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Before starting to carry out this study, I decided to make a survey among high school graduated students in my country , in order to learn possible factors as to why so many of them have to leave their education after finishing their high school educations.

According to this statistical investigation, a great proportion (about 40%) of the students in Turkey, despite possessing proper qualifications to continue their studies and to attend universities and colleges of higher education, have to leave their education after finishing their high schools, and only less than 20% of these aspiring students are able to find a job after graduating from their schools, and this can cause many psychological complications and issues such as their depression, and at the best case, their isolation from the social activities which may affect their prosperity and future responsibilities.

The statistics of my investigation illustrated that the main reasons why so many high school graduates have to leave their studies in that level are one or a combination of the following:

Top 2 Answers
A few days ago
Tatsbabe

Favorite Answer

I have gone through your piece and made a few necessary corrections.

Before commencing my wider study, I decided to make a survey among students that have graduated from high school in my country. This was in order to assess possible factors which may contribute the high level of students who leave high school with decent qualifications yet do not go one to higher or further education.

According to this statistical investigation, a great proportion (about 40%) of the students in Turkey, despite possessing proper qualifications to continue their studies and to attend universities and colleges of higher education, have to leave after finishing their high schools. Less than 20% of these aspiring students are able to find a job after graduating from their schools. This can lead to many differing psychological complications and issues, depression being one consequence and also their isolation from some social activities. Both of these may affect their future prosperity and prospects.

The statistics of my investigation revealed that the main reasons for so many high school graduates having to leave their studies in such high numbers are one or a combination of the following:

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A few days ago
TurtleFromQuebec
It’s not bad! A bit wordy though, and the sentences are awfully long. Check for pretentious language and make it simpler. Also try to make one thought at a time into one sentence, to avoid running on. Some suggestions:

“high school graduated students” -> “high school graduates”

“in order to learn possible factors as to why they have to leave their education after finishing their high school educations” -> “to try to learn why do not continue their education after finishing high school”

From “according”:

According to this statistical study, a large proportion of students in Turkey (about 40%) do not continue their education beyond high school, despite being qualified to go on to institutions of higher learning. What is more, less than 20% are able to find a job after graduation, which can cause depression, feelings of isolation and other psychological complications that affect their future prospects.

My investigation shows that many high school graduates do not continue their studies for one or more of the following reasons:

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