A few days ago

Anonymous

Help me make this sentance sound better please!!?

On his trip to Paris Ossian realizes how much discrimination there is in America.

I think that it sounds like a little kid wrote it, yet I cant seem to make it sound better. If you can think of a better word insted of saying “how much” or use bigger words that would help. Im just editing my essay and need a little help!! Thanks Sooo much!!

Top 8 Answers

A few days ago

Anonymous

Favorite Answer

Try something such as:

On his trip to Paris Ossian realizes the depth of discrimination in America.

On his trip to Paris Ossian realizes the extent of discrimination in America.

On his trip to Paris Ossian is disillusioned by discovering the degree of discrimination in America.

A few days ago

my 2 cents

Can you perhaps write it in past tense rather than present tense? I know that would depend on the context that it was taken from, but (and this is just a personal thing with me) I find past tense has a more formal sound when written than does present tense. Hence try using ‘realized’.

As far as replacing ‘how much’ you might try the following (although there really is nothing wrong with ‘how much’):

On his trip to Paris, Ossian realized the magnitude of discrimination in America.

A few days ago

Elmoly

During his trip to Paris, Ossian realizes the amount of discrimination there is in America.

A few days ago

Anonymous

Just turn it around:

Ossian realizes how much discrimination there is in America after visiting Paris.

-MM

(By the way, Ossian’s right!)

A few days ago

ConfidentSmartass

On his trip to Paris, it dawns upon Ossian that discrimination is deep rooted in America.

PS.just wondering, how could he/she conclude about America on a Paris trip:s??..

A few days ago

leslie b

On his trip to Paris, Ossian becomes aware of the extent of discrimination in America. Or, …becomes aware of how extensive discrimination is in America. Or …becomes aware of how extreme discrimination really is in America.

A few days ago

dakag3

You might try this: Ossein realized how much discrimination there was in America. He realized this when he took a trip to Paris and saw how friendly and courteous everyone was no matter what color you were.

4 years ago

the guy’s scruffy, yet reassuring demeanor lulled Martin into feeling a feeling of protection. Or, His scruffy,yet reassuring demeanor lulled Martin right into a feeling of protection.

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