Dodge City, Kansas

Circa 1876

” Paris Hellbent”

U.S.Marshal Matt Dillon was in his office with his good friend, Doc Adams .

Doc:”I tell you, Matt. This (1.) “Letter To Me” sure is

baffling.”

Matt:”Let me see it, Doc.”

The letter:

My Dear Doc,

How can I put into words all that you mean to me? I can no longer keep my feelings to myself.

(2.) “Oh Love” of my life………. I know you have a girlfriend….LadyLinda…… Drop her, Doc. Be mine.

I’ll wait for your reply, my dearest.

Yours,

Paris Hellbent

Matt:”Doc. Sounds to me as though she is VERY pleased that you stood up for her in court. Thanks to you her jail sentence was greatly shortened.”

Doc:” Well….It was her first offense. I just wanted to help the kid. Maybe that short time she spent in jail will finally wake her up. Maybe NOW she’ll get her life together and be a decent citizen.”

Matt smiled……”Does LadyLinda know about this letter?”

Doc:”Oh, LORD, no. And don’t you tell her!! This could really spell trouble. I need to figure this whole thing out.”

Just then Burke From The Freight Office walked in.

Burke:”Marshal. That new mirror for the Long Branch just arrived. I was wondering if you could help me with it?” Matt said he would, in a few minutes.

As Burke was leaving, in walked Festus Haggen,fresh from a successful fishing trip with a bunch of his catch thrown over his shoulder………”Howdy, Matthew. Howdy Doc. I just caught me a heap of good eatin’ catfish.” He dropped them on the table.

Doc made a disgusted face and got up.

Festus:”Well ,where’re you goin’? You want one, Doc?”

Doc rubbed his face, as he always does…..”No thanks. I’ve got (3.) “Bigger Fish To Fry.” He shook his head and walked out.

Festus:”BIGGER fish? Why…..He couldn’t have any fish bigger than THESE!”

Matt laughed and tried to explain what Doc meant.

Festus:”Well,well. Old Doc has his self a female admirerer, does he? Who is it?”

Matt:”Paris Hellbent.”

Festus:” THAT tramp?!”

Doc was just returning to his office when lo and behold….Paris came riding into town.

When she was getting down from the buckboard , she dropped her purse and it rolled underneath.

Paris:”Could you get that for me, Doc?”

http://www.celebritycrunch.com/art/paris-hilton-on-knees.jpg

Doc took one look at her and dropped to his knees…..”SURE!! Let’s see now….Where or where did that go?” He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Unfortunately for Doc, LadyLinda just HAPPENED to be coming out of the post office and saw ALL of this.

She was furious!!

She ran over to Doc and Paris who were still on the ground and pulled Doc by his ankles, out from under the wagon!

Doc looked up to see his girlfriend staring him straight in the eye!!

Doc:”PEACH BLOSSOM!!! Uh, uh,…Hello my dear.”

LadyLinda pushed past him and confronted Paris.

LadyL:”Why don’t you ever wear proper clothing, you abnormal oragatange ?!”

Paris:”Oh….(5.) “Walk It Off!” Don’t get your feathers ruffled, you old hen!! You’re just upset over that love letter I wrote Doc!”

LadyL:”LOVE LETTER!!!!” She glared at Doc. “LOVE LETTER??!!”

Doc:”Yes. And I was going to tell you about this evening over dinner.”

LadyL turned red with anger!!! She picked up a rock!!

While all of this was going on, Matt and Burke were carefully carrying a large,custom-made mirror over to the long Branch Saloon.

Kitty Russell, proprietor of the saloon, was walking along side them. She asked to have it put down for a minute so she could use it as she applied fresh lipstick.

http://www.triviatribute.com/images4/amandablake5.jpg

Just as she putting the lipstick to her lips, there was a loud

<<<< CRACK >>>> !!!!

In her anger, LadyLinda had thrown the rock. It missed Paris and Doc. It had NOT missed the mirror!!

Dead silence. Doc looked at LadyLinda in abject fear! Paris picked up her purse and skeddadled! Burke looked at the cracked mirror! Matt looked at Kitty! She had lipstick everywhere BUT her lips!!!!!!

Matt tried not to laugh…..”Well. It could have been worse. At least no one was hurt. You okay, Kitty?”

Kitty:” Yeah. DANDY!! (4) I (just) love The Sound Of Breaking Glass !!”

Oh love! I can’t believe you wrote this letter to me telling me we’re through, after all we’ve done together. Remember how we pulled off those jewelry store heists. It wasn’t just the money. You know how I love the sound of breaking glass. I loved your sense of humor. I’ll never forget the time I walked into that wall and shattered my kneecap and you just told me to walk it off. Oh well; I guess all good things must come to an end. The truth is, I’ve got bigger fish to fry and I’m almost over you already. Still I wish you could be with me when I break into Fort Knox. One more caper for old time’s sake, Babushka?

One day, someone wrote a letter to me. ‘Oh love,’ I exclaimed. It read:

You walk it off. I love the sound of breaking glass, so I am going to break your windows.

Signed,

Anonymous

I was terrified. I decided to go away and get a bigger fish to fry.

~ This is not very good, but it’s all I can think of.

Oh love when you wrote that letter to me,

You said you had bigger fish to fry,

You thought it would make me cry.

But I love the sound of breaking glass,

Cause it’s probably better than busting your A**

I’ll take a sip of red, red, wine,

and walk it off this time.

Oh Dear here comes Sunshine Mcguilitcuty she will tear me up.I know I got your last name wrong Sunshine, but you’re right ,you’ll be on it like stink on a skunk.

Oh love, please write a letter to me

If you don’t I will crash my car because I love the sound of breaking glass

If I do that I will just walk it off

because I have bigger fish to fry

are not you in a eye-catching mess? walk away Joe, I”ve have been provided that previous feeling your in a whiskey lullaby, permit Jesus take the wheel, stress on right down to the river to desire, this one’s for the females additionally, I by no ability promised you a rose backyard, Jesus became born six months after john the baptist. John became born interior the month of March. Jesus became born interior the month of September on an identical time as the sheep have been all having exciting. Now are not you the fortunate one? Christmas is a pagan holiday.

You and your stories. If I had time I’d write you one to never forget

Yes. Can you? ~