Let me attempt to deliver the account.

On May 13th, 1799, Miss Petticoat held out her white gloved hand to the footman. It was the first thing Sir Matthew saw –her long, slender, white-gloved hand, resembling dove’s feathers extended to fly. His curiosity heightened, as he watched the finely attired and delicately appointed figure emerge from the silk-lined stage coach. The townsfolk stopped in their mud-ridden tracks, stricken by the oddity of a true lady, one of Bostonian distinction, alighting from a coach positioned at their humble station.

He stepped forward, and stopped abruptly, glancing downward at his —– stained boots and thick, calloused hands. But his pride vanquished his reticence, and he approached the shining angel.

“May I welcome you to our humble township, and I pray that you find comfortable accomodations here.” he managed to say. She glanced up at him from beneath her veil, and offered a most polite phrase, as she was taught to always be complimentary, if not silent…”THE AIR IS FULL OF SPICES!” Horse and cow droppings lined the boarded walk, amidst frenzily feeding birthmark-sized flies.

He continued to offer his hand to assist her delicate and timorous descent from the carriage. “IT IS A QUESTION OF HONOR, SIR… Oh, I must not touch thine hand!” Her color rose. He withdrew and whispered, “CAN THE SOUL BE REALLY SATISFIED WITH SUCH POLITE AFFECTIONS?!” He watched her trip through the yet uncobbled streets to the only Hotel in town, lifting her skirts and placing her pink satin button boots around the mire.

“PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW.” he murmured.

She bustled into the inn, followed by stares and whispers, her footman assisting her to a windowed chamber. It was hardly matching the appointments from which she’d come, but she would not disappoint her family. She felt it her duty to locate the uncle whose fortune had been missed of late; her family was in desperate need of finances.

Unexpectedly, there was a knock upon her chamber door, and Sir Matthew entered the room.

“I BEG your pardon, sir! Have you lost your way!?”

“Yes, ever since my eyes feasted upon your beauty, I am quite lost indeed.”

Her agitated bosom heaved against the tightly laced bodice, as she backed against the wall. “Please,… this is most inappropriate. I shall scream if you fail to leave at once…”

Sir Matthew drew closer. “MY HEART IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, YOURS.” He reached for her trembling hands.

She was unable to speak. He brought her fingers to his parted lips and began to lay gentle kisses on the palms of her hands. She wrenched free, BLUSHED AND RAN FROM THE ROOM.

“Wait, don’t leave me!” he called after her.

In her upset, she lost her footing at the top of the stairs, and tumbled down, a rolling bundle of lace and satin, to land forever still at the bottom. Imagine Sir Matthew’s surprise to learn of his relation to this fleeting enchantment; a niece he’d never had the previous occasion to meet.

The door crashed open, and the gas station attendant, a pretty young girl (who looked like a younger version of my beloved wife), stepped in. “Hey officer, you can’t just fill it up without paying, you know.”

“Huh?” I asked.

“It is a question of honor, sir,” she said.

“Did you notice that you’re in the men’s restroom?” I asked. She blushed and ran from the room.

I stepped out, and there at the pump stood my brand spanking new 1986 Kawasaki KZ1000P police motorcycle, cost subsidized by the town. For a moment I was almost overcome a rush of affection for the townspeople, and the wonderful motorcycle. Can the soul really be satisfied with such polite affections? “My heart is, and always will be, yours,” I murmured, and I don’t know if I was thinking of the townspeople or the motorcycle when I uttered that.

I walked into the 24-hour store, and reached into my pocket for my wallet, to pay for the gas. I must have pushed the wrong place, because my pants came down around my ankles! The attendant laughed, and pointed. It left us speechless, quite speechless I tell you, and we have not stopped talking of it since!

==

I hope 1986 is bygone enough!

“it is a question of honour, sir”, she replied. “Such a quarrel cannot be ended by mere protestations of love, even though i love you with all my heart.” Emma suddenly realised what she had said. She blushed and ran from the room. William’s heart leaped within him “Stay my darling, stay” he called .I will be content to meet you on occasion. We can behave as brother and. sister . Only, do not desert me.” Emma slowly returned to the room. “Like brother an sister? Can the soul really be saisfied with such polite affections?,”

“If it is the only way I can see you, then yes it can. Walk with me to my carriage and let me take you home.”

Emma gave him her hand, and together they walked past the kitchen where the air was full of spices.

“Emma, my heart is, and always will be, yours. I know you love me, for you have let that slip.We must find a way to patch up this quarrel, then we can be man and wife.”

“I fear that can never be, my love…… No Father!”

With a sound of thunder, Emma’s father appeared on the scene, a flintlock pistol smoking in his hand. Emma gave a stifled sob and sank to the floor.

“Well “said John. “that was how the play ended. It left us speechless, quite speechless I tell you, and we have not stopped talking of it since.”

Well, this is my best effort, and I’m a guy. Hope it helps.

“It left us speechless, my good fellow, quite speechless I tell you, and we have not stopped talking of it since”

This is the story Lord Hagen heard:

Lady Minerva had been thrilled to finally find a man who was worthy of her, in the old Lord Rochester! At last, she had found a man she truly loved and one who truly loved her!

She put all of her past misdeeds behind her and concentrated on planning her upcoming nuptials.

Her heart was full to bursting as she galloped gaily through the meadow on her way to Lord Rochester’s castle, soon to be her new home!!

“Ah, the air is full of spices” She inhaled deeply, enjoying the lovely sights, sounds and smells of the cool spring morning as she made her way there.

Since this was an unexpected visit, she tip-toed in, being very careful not to alert the servants to her prescence.

She quietly ascended the stairs to the master bedroom, where she suspected Lord Rochester was still asleep.

“Enter now, my little Sweet Pea” She heard him say as she approached the door.

DARN!, Someone must have informed him of her arrival!! Upon hearing the little endearment she wondered “Can the soul really be satisfied with such polite affections?”

“Yes it can” she answered herself, as she pushed open the door to bid her beloved goodmorning, only to be UTTERLY SHOCKED at the site before her! Her eyes moved from Lord Rochester to the butler and back to Lord Rochester. She blushed and ran from the room!!!

The details of what transpired next are not exactly known but it was said that Lord Rochester tried valiantly to make things right!

“My heart is, and always will be, yours, my darling Minerva” he entreated her as she listened and said nothing.

He tried every trick in the book to expliain away what she had seen and to assaure her that it had meant NOTHING to him! Lady Minerva had not gone for ANY of it!!

“It is a question of honor, sir” she had told him in no uncertain terms. Finally after many hours of “discussions” Lady Minerva was satisfied!

” Parting is such sweet sorrow” she mused as she galloped away, the deed to the Rochester Mansion tucked neatly into her purse!

😀 😀 😀