A few days ago
krystal G

college essay help ! Need some help PLEASE!!!!!!!?

Here is my college essay …I am applying to a university and i wanted to know if this is okay how it sounds to you! and how it would sound to them! Please let me know my errors!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!

When I look at this picture of myself, I realize how much I’ve grown and changed, not only physically, but also mentally as a person in the last couple of years. Less than one month after this photograph was taken, I arrived at North Shore Community College without any idea of what to expect. Around me in this picture are the things which were most important in my life at the time: becoming somebody.

I will strive to be a tremendous asset to Northeastern University by devoting all my time and life to becoming an excellent Student. I believe that I am obligated to use my talents in a constructive manner, in a manner that benefits society. The medical career gives me the unique opportunity to express my many talents while benefiting human life.

I believe that my ability to improved and expanded my communication skills since I was constantly meeting new communicate makes me well suited to pursue a medical career. I also consider myself a “people” person. As a sales consultant, I see a lot of people and discussing different topics. Because people constantly disclosed their personal issues to me, I learned to become not only a good conversationalist, but also an excellent listener. In medical school, I also plan to pursue side work like Volunteering. One of my most rewarding experiences has been helping patients as a Personal Care Attendant.

I am Highly motivated to succeed, I dramatically improved my grades following a time of confusion and immaturity at North Shore Community College, which was brought on by family.. In the past year I have learned a lot through my experiences and relationships. I’ve realized that I was trying so much to make everyone else happy that I wasn’t keeping myself and my interests in mind at times when I should have. Once I realized what goal I wanted to pursue in life, I worked hard to succeed in life

I have been diligent in my pursuit of medicine as a career because I am convinced that medicine offers me the opportunity to live a fulfilling, rewarding life dedicated to helping others. I will enter medicine eager to learn. Attending Northeastern University would be one of the greatest rewards for my motivation and persistence for success.

Top 1 Answers
A few days ago
tini marie (=

Favorite Answer

Needs to be broken up into paragraphs & I would expand it a little. I didn’t notice any grammatical errors but, “Once I realized what goal I wanted to pursue in life, I worked hard to succeed in life

I have been diligent in my pursuit of medicine as a career because I am convinced that medicine offers me the opportunity to live a fulfilling, rewarding life dedicated to helping others”, that sentance seems awkward, long, repeated life too much and the opening clause (correct term?) is very awkward. I’d rewrite it.

“Once I decided the direction I wanted to take in life, I worked dilligently and was steadfast was in my persuit of a career in the medical feild. This career option would enrich my life and well as give me the oppertunity to be an infallible benefactor in the lives of others.”

I’d break it up more like that, (sorry I didn’t run it through spell check, you get the idea though.)

good luck with your application!!

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