can u give me you opinion about my persoanl statement?do u think it is good enough?
I expect that The benefits of taking the **** MBA course will be extremely significant, it will teach me important managerial and interpersonal skills that will guide me all the way through my career life ,and the optimal way on how to deal with various business issues, and make me look at things with an insightful point of view In addition it will highly increase my employment chances and provide me with the opportunity to further my career
My personal qualities include very good analytical skills that have been developed through my work as a information’s system analyst ,along aside with the ability to identify potential opportunities in wide areas for achieving profitable results , and excellent interpersonal and communicational skills that made am able to deal with people with a positive attitude and having the aptitude to be a valuable team member , and the most important the continuing eager to learn and have a desire for success.
After graduating, I had the opportunity to work in a privately owned company that utilizes the PVC granules in the master-patch industry formation for e.g. plastic bottling products. I worked in the IT department which I was in first responsible for co designing and establishing new information’s system for the company instead of the old used system and later doing the management and development tasks of the database for all company departments .
Throughout my work I hade the chance to overlook and interact with various business activities and try to connect it with business theories taught during my undergraduate studies, which gave me more understanding of Business administration.
Favorite Answer
Paragraph 1: Period after “future career life”. Which leaves only two reasons you are applying to the school so the word several is no longer appropriate. Comma after “research into the mba course”. This sentence is also a run-on. Consider a period after “business activities” and starting the next sentence with “It also”.
Paragraph 2: lower case t in “the benefits”. In that same sentence take out “it will” or start a new sentence. Perhaps change it to “by teaching”. In that same sentence take out comma after “career life”. Put a period after “business issues” and start a new sentence with “This offers a unique perspective allowing me to look…”. Put a period after “point of view”. Put a comma after “In addition”.
Paragraph 3: take out the word “aside”. This entire paragraph has only one long run-on sentence to consider only including one or two reasons per sentence starting your sentences with things like “additionally” or “I also pride my self on” or “I strive”. Change “made am” to “make me”. And “the most important the continuing eager” does not make sense. Try” And perhaps the most important quality is my eagerness to lean and my desire for success”.
Paragraph 4: take out the word “for” before e.g. change “which I was in” to “in which I was”. Change “hade” to “had”. Change :overlook” to “oversee”.
Terrific essay! Good luck!
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