What do you think of this essay?
CARS HAVE BEEN USED TO GET PEOPLE FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER FOR OVER A CENTURY BUT THEIR USE IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE SIGNIFICANT NOWADAYS AS CITIES ARE INCREASING IN CIRCUMFRENCE. CARS HAVE NOW BECOME GREAT CONTRIBUTERS TO THE IMPROVED LIVES OF MANY WHICH HAVE BEEN ENABLED TO TRAVEL GREAT DISTANCES TO GET TO EARN A LIVING AND GET EDUCATED.
IN ADDITION TO THAT PEOPLE IN COUNTRIES WITH EXTREME CLIMATIC CONDITION ARE ABLE TO CONQUER THE DIFFICULTIES OF TRAVELLING THANKS TO THE AIR CONDITIONING IN CARS.
SURE CARS HAVE MORE THAN A FEW ADVANTAGES BUT THEIR HARM TO OUR ENVIRONMENT IS MORE DISASTROUS THAN IMAGINABLE. FOR ONE THING THEY CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING WHICH IN TURN CAUSES THE ICE IN THE NORTH POLE TO MELT. SMALLER ISLANDS WILL SOON START TO DISSAPEAR AS A RESULT OF THIS WATER LEVEL
Should be “disaster that occurs”.
“Cities that are increasing in circumference” but I would say “size”.
What water level? You didn’t really explain it. “AS A RESULT OF THIS WATER LEVEL”
This sentence is very awkward and you might want to rewrite it so that it flows better: “CARS HAVE NOW BECOME GREAT CONTRIBUTERS TO THE IMPROVED LIVES OF MANY WHICH HAVE BEEN ENABLED TO TRAVEL GREAT DISTANCES TO GET TO EARN A LIVING AND GET EDUCATED.”
What about the heaters in cars that help people? Where I live, they are much more useful than the AC.
In an essay, don’t use terms such as “sure” and “for one thing”.
Should be “PEOPLE’s HEALTH”, or better “the health of people”
Should be “SHOULD USE CARS”
Should be “CARS THAt RUN”
When you use all capitals on the Internet, it makes it seem like you are shouting at people. You might get more responses if you don’t use all capitals. Most of us prefer to work with text that uses capitals only where they are supposed to be.
I hope this is of some help. Best of luck.
(Do not put lines between your paragraphs; indentation is good enough))
CARS HAVE BEEN USED TO GET PEOPLE ((This is a generalization. Vehicles are used to transport livestock, produce, furniture, and many other common items)) FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER FOR OVER A CENTURY; ((Semicolon here instead of but)) THEIR USE IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE SIGNIFICANT NOWADAYS AS CITIES ARE expanding. Travel enables people to seek out options such as education and employment. Cars have truly allowed them to pursue these lifestyle improvements.
((Again no spaces between paragraphs))
IN ADDITION TO THAT PEOPLE IN COUNTRIES WITH EXTREME CLIMATIC CONDITION ARE ABLE TO CONQUER THE DIFFICULTIES OF TRAVELLING THANKS TO THE AIR CONDITIONING IN CARS. ((This is a detail. It should be included in the paragraph above. It doesn’t serve as a paragraph by itself.))
It is evident that cars have numerous advantages, but they total they take on the environment is seemingly inconceivable. FOR ONE, ((comma here)) THEY CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING WHICH, IN TURN , CAUSES THE ICE IN THE NORTH POLE ((just north or south too?)) TO MELT. SMALLER ISLANDS WILL SOON ((What do you mean by soon? Support the claim with facts ((locations and dates)) and cite your sources)) START TO DISSAPEAR AS A RESULT OF THIS ((What is this? An increase? A decrease? Be as specific as possible)) WATER LEVEL. ((How do cars in themselves cause global warming? Is it the fuel we use? The exhaust they create? Your argument seems to say that the car itself is causing the warming, which is simply not true. You need to go into greater detail.))
THE EXHAUST FROM CARS FORMS PHOTO-CHEMICAL SMOG THAT CAUSES ACID RAIN BY POLLUTING THE AIR. THE SMOG AND ACID RAIN CAN CAUSE SERIOUS HARM TO PEOPLE HEALTH SUCH AS THE SKIN CANCER CAUSED BY ACID RAIN. ((This is not a paragraph. Tell us what acid rain is. What is photo-chemical smog? Your average reader will have no idea. Unless this essay is to a group of photo-chemical doctorates, you need to go into detail.))
IN MY OPINION, WE SHOULD USED CARS ONLY WHEN NECESSARY, NOT AS A LUXURY. IN THE MEAN TIME, SCIENTISTS SHOULD PUT HARD WORK INTO CREATING CARS THAN RUN ON SOLAR ENERGY. ((How will scientists do this? Do not use “In my opinion”. Writing in first person is never good. State your opinion as you would a fact. Are there other things that cars can run off of in order to purify the emissions? What would happen if everyone bought hybrids or electrics? What if we switched to solely ethanol or biodeisel? Consider all solutions , than support your claim))
((You have no conclusion. Your essay abruptly ends with your opinion. Summarize and give insight. Make people want to change. Don’t just inform.))
in this sentence you use “but” it is used if the second idea is opposite to the first idea.. but i think its the same idea here talking about the advantages of cars right?–
CARS HAVE BEEN USED TO GET PEOPLE FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER FOR OVER A CENTURY– BUT –THEIR USE IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE SIGNIFICANT NOWADAYS AS CITIES ARE INCREASING IN CIRCUMFRENCE.
you have the idea.. but you should be careful on how to put them into sentences.. what do you mean by.. NOWADAYS AS CITIES ARE INCREASING IN CIRCUMFRENCE. ??
i think you should reconstruct this essay in a more organized way..? introduction first then sight the advantages first or disadvantages first which way you want to start then.. conclude at the end of your essay..
good luck to your essay!
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