Hi Just wondering….

Is this the child that’s 12 year old that’s getting into boys?

Is this the new baby?

It can be shocking and scary and depressing. How old is your daughter? The good news is that because of the tremendous increase in the number of children with autism nationwide is that there are now many professionals trained to work with these children and much resource showing effective interventions and strategies for educating these children. There was a time when many professional thought that children with autism were uneducatable, but we know that is not true and there are many possibilities and potential positive outcomes for your daughter so take heart. Try to locate a parent support group or other resource to see what your options are in your area. If your child is 3 years old or older you should contact your school district immediately.

Hearing the word autism in connection to your child is terrifying. When my son was diagnosed it was as if the world had come crashing down. I was convinced I had done something wrong, missed something, was a bad mother or had made the wrong choice at some point. I had images of my son never speaking (he was mostly non-verbal at that point), never being able to contol him (he had tantrums that lasted for hours and were often destructive) and of his living at home for the rest of his life. I want to tell you…none of that is true. My son has learned to speak. His behaviors have disappeared. He will work and live as independently as possible. And there was nothing I did, could have done or didnt do that caused this situation.

I have worked with many parents in the past 10 years. There are a lot of things I would suggest. Allow yourself to grieve..it is healthy and normal. The image of your child and her future has been changed and it is ok to feel sad about it. Stay away from the internet except for sites associated with national autism groups,at least for now. Some of the smaller, home grown sites will be helpful later on, but right now they may come across as overwhelming, places where all you see is the struggle and horror stories. Smaller sites are often where families go to get suggestions on how to cope and to vent…they won’t give you the basic information you need right now to begin adapting and learning. Read as much as you can on autism. Many books out there include commentary from parents and it is helpful to see that not only are there parents going through the same thing, but there are just as many who have already dealt with the sleeping issues, the self stim and the rest. You need to take time for your marriage..to find ways to connect with your spouse or partner. Use all the people in your life to help support you. Take time for you. I know that sounds impossible, but if you don’t you will burn out. Get services..you don’t mention your daughter’s age, but if she is over 2 the school system will have to provide them in some format and can help you find others. Please do not hesistate to email me with any specific questions you may have or just to talk..I have been there and I am telling you, it does get better and you will eventually see that while your child is different, she is so special and so wonderful that you wouldn’t want her any other way. Hugs and postivie thoughts…

Don’t forget, your dd is still your dd. She’s the same little girl you loved before the dx.

However, I do know how you feel. I’m sure every parent who has ever been there, done that knows how you feel. When I found out I told dh we had to go out of town for the weekend because I couldn’t handle even being home and thinking about it.

It is normal to grieve. Give yourself time to work through the process and accept it.

Look up an autism support group in your area and get support quickly! It really does help.

I can relate to this…completely. My daughter was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and mild mental impairment when she first started kindergarten. I was VERY depressed and beat myself up for it.

The first thing you will want to do is find a support group locally or online. It is very helpful and sanity-saving to be able to talk with people who can relate to what you and your child are going through. You will also want to read up on autism and learn as much as you can about it, and try to get your daughter some early intervention.

Feeling depressed is a very natural reaction when you have just been told that your child has a handicap.

Also, as the previous answer stated, many individuals with autism are very bright and do just fine as adults. Temple Grandin is an autistic person who has a PhD and has written quite a few books on her experiences with autism…you should try to check thes out as well.

Good luck with your daughter, and remember to take care of yourself, too.

I feel for you, but you have received some good advice and information. My son is a little young yet to be officially diagnosed, but I am pretty sure he is on the PSS/NOS spectrum… maybe Asperger’s. Look at it this way – you don’t love her any less now that you know, do you? Nope. She will be okay and so will you. Learn about autism and learn about how to help her. Be her advocate and know that she can actually live a great life despite this – and a lot of that is up to you. I wish you and your daughter the very best!

One of the first things I would do is, to find a support group in your area or online. Get in touch with those who have a better sense for what you are going through.

Then, educate yourself on Autism and be an advocate for your daughter. There are many places to get good information.

My story is along the same line as Maria’s. I found out my son was autistic and ADHD when he was about 4. I really beat myself up. I felt like such a bad mother.I could’nt control him. It seemed like I was constantly having to yell at him for things it seemed like he should know better than to do. I always felt guilty because I did yell at him a lot. I thought I had done something during my pregnancy to make him that way. The doctor told me I wasn’t a bad mother and that made me feel so much better. He is also mildly mentally impaired, and we found out earlier this year that he is epileptic. He has what is called Absence seizures (staring spells.) Find a good support group and find out about the special ed system in your school. We have been blessed with AWESOME teachers for our son. It’s hard and the day to day challenges are frustrating, I’m not going to lie, but they are totally worth it when your child learns something and you see that glow on their face because they are proud of their acheivement.

Well, lots of good advice, i won’t repeat it all. My daughter was diagnosed eight years ago, and I’ve found so many wonderful things about people and about myself. She’s not lightly affected either, she was rather severely autistic. It has been a lot of work, I won’t deny that, but years of therapy and love have helped her so much.

I can tell you that you will never take for granted all the many things that parents enjoy. Other moms will coo over their child’s first words, but know that other children would accomplish the same. We, however, are in a special group, one in which every word is worth gold. Every fleeting glance will break your heart, but be a treasured memory. Every hug and kiss will be a jewel in your crown of motherhood, and every academic accomplishment will be alloted your joy in the book of life. God will bless the day your child says “I love you” for the first time, whether she’s three or thirteen.

Grief is a normal cycle, but don’t wallow in it. As the parent of a child who will not die prematurely, our fate is to relive the grief cycle over and over. There will be times in which you accept your life, but then will be times in which the struggle seems so hard, so impossible. The grief will rise up in your heart, but you’ll persevere and build strength and courage. God bless.

ok, dont feel bad. i am 14, and my brother, who is 17, has autism. it’s a thing in life. so what! your child is “special”. actually it happens a lot. you shouldn’t feel bad. it is NOT your fault. my twin cousins who are five also have autism. first thing, they won’t talk much when they are younger. when you teach them somthing they might forget it. but, they can be VERY smart. my brother has straight A’s. you shouldn’t be depressed. my mom isn’t so you shouldn’t either. just promise me this. you will love your child event though he is different ok. please promise me this. i would hug you but…i can’t. contact me if you need to know anything else. bye.