~Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

~A day without sunshine is like…. well, night.

~On the other hand ……..you have different fingers.

~Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

~I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

~When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

~Those who live by the sword… get shot by those who don’t.

~I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

~He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged.

~I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges ?

~I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

~Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

http://www.jardmail.co.uk/factslists/funnysayings.shtml

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful (Mae West)

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry (Oscar Wilde)

An intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences (Isadora Duncan)

Despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want? (Sigmund Freud)

Thought you might like some thought-provoking ones too.

“Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time.”

“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

“Snoogins”- jason mewes

“i love you is 8 letters long…but then again so is bullshit”- found it

“i’ve got A.D.D and magic markers…oh wat thrills i will have!”- me

“candy is dandy but liquor is quicker”-willy wonka

‘but why is the rum gone?!”-johnny depp (PotC)

“Don’t apologize…i hope you choke and die”-found it

” DON’T HIT KIDS. no seriously they have guns now.”-found it

“A good thing will bail you out of jail…a true friend will be sitting next to you saying “damn we F****ed up”- found it

“i have super powers…i just DON’T wanna show you”- me

“i hear voices and they don’t like you!”-me

“You say mutilation…i say modification”-tattoo parlor

” i LOVE my computer my friends are in it!”-friend of mine

“I WANT YOU…to stay far,far away”-me

“good job you pissed off the voices again!”-me

“you’re just jealous cuz the voices only talk to me.”-friend of mine

i have a lot more but i think that’s enough for now. enjoy em!

Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships. – Sharon Stone

Or my one my kids love…

I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Noooooooow.

Groucho Marx