A few days ago
Chris C

Can you evaluate my essay?

The following is an essay for a scholarship I’m entering. I’m looking for some people to review it and tell me what you think before I submit it. Thanks.

Top 1 Answers
A few days ago
Serpico7

Favorite Answer

They don’t seem to be “essays” to me, as in the standard intro 3 body and conclusion, so I’m not sure if you need that, but if you do currently and obviously incomplete. However, now I will critically read them and give you my opinion…..

I think first one is good.

However, 3rd (should it be 2nd?)

“Yes, I believe it will affect Asian Pacific American admissions if that minority group previously benefitted from affirmative action. I believe it is the right step to take though.”

First I realize you don’t have the facts here, you don’t know if apamericans benefitted. Yes, I believe -it will positively affect- apamerican admissions continue on take out that last sentence. The last sentence seems redundant.

Also, I don’t think you are supposed to use “I” in essays.

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