You begin well, but I suggest beginning with an example of a recent death, or questions about how a parent would feel if this tragedy occured to him/ her.

Add a number or percentage of the increase in deaths. Also add a date to when recommendations began for keeping small children in the back seat.

Get rid of “through the pages and pages of information.” Don’t use solve and solution in the same sentence.

Make your transition sentence introduce each of those companies (which I assume you will use in your body paragraphs.)

ie

Some companies have developed information or safety features to solve this deadly problem. By examining potential solutions offered by _____, _____, ______, and _____, parents will obtain the tools they need to keep their children safe.

Then make paragraphs about each company.

Your conclusion should restate the problem and the solutions in a slightly different way than when you presented it.

Good luck on your paper.

start off introducing the top of infant deaths in cars—cite statistics. THEN briefly describe the several alternatives that have been offered. Right now, this reads more like a conclusion than an introduction. Hope that helps!

Your intro is fine, but you sort of wander off at about line four, then pull it back together again.

Hope this helps.