Due: Aug. 8th 2007

By: Nichole Vanderberg

My greatest fear is not knowing how or when I will die. I have had six or seven people in my family die within the past few years, my mother was one of those people. The doctors told her she would be fine and about six months later told her that they found cancer in her kidneys and lymph nodes they removed her kidney but could do nothing about the lymph nodes so we sat there waiting and watching as my mother slowly died a slow and painful death all because of the doctors. They don’t really care about other people or what they need they just want there pay check at the end of the day. They try to make it seem like things will be ok instead of finding out what is wrong with people and finding a way to help them. I am now going through a lot of the same things that she had to go through. They told me that I had pre-cancerous cells and then not even a week later gave me pain killers and told me that I was fine. They told me not to worry about it; there was nothing wrong. I went in for a pap smear in February and they told me it was abnormal. They gave me some more medications, then sent me home like nothing was wrong. I just went in for another one last month and they said I was doing fine. I had them print some copies for me on Wednesday and I looked at them when I got home. I saw more things wrong with me in the second one then there was in the first one. I worry that they are trying to do the same thing to me that they did with my mom. They have told me every thing is fine and then I found out later that it is anything but that. I have a lot more problems showing up on the second one then I did one the first one. I’m scared that by the time they do find something it will be too late. I don’t want to think that there is nothing anyone can do for me yet but that’s how it feels right now. I don’t want to go through what my mom had to go through. We all had a hard enough time watching her go through it every day not knowing if she was going to wake up the day or not. I think the hardest part is not knowing how or when you will die even when you know something is wrong. To this day I still blame the doctors who told her she had nothing wrong with her and not to worry about anything. I still think about it every day and I think of every thing she had to do just to try and hang on. She did out live what the doctors told her she would. It was only by a few months. I don’t want to go through that and I a defiantly don’t want to put my family through it all over again. It was hard enough losing her and I don’t think they would be able to go through it all over again.