change harsher to more harsh. thats all i can think of. great paper!

Bengals – plural, not Bengal’s – possessive.

Tell who Mike Brown is – “Mike Brown, Whatever Office of the Cincinnati Bengals.” After that, just say Bengals.

The Bengals have one of the NFL’s worst arrest records, which many people think only brings bad news, but others think differently.

These others think the NFL will begin making punishments harsher with better-monitored enforcement. With harsher punishments more rigorously enforced, changes will be brought to the Bengals and the NFL as a whole.

Try those changes.

Along with what Michelle gave you, I would change the last sentence to: With the enforcement of harsh punishments, the Cincinnati Bengals will change, as will the whole NFL. It sounds like you want to focus on the Bengals here, so maybe this sentence would work best at the end of the paper to sum it all up. If you bring up NFL as a whole in your introduction, your teacher may suggest that your thesis is too broad. By putting it at the end, however, you make your argument for more than just the Bengals organization.

Bengals is not possessive and doesn’t need an apostrophe.

I would change it to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. It would eliminate commas and make it flow better. Just make sure you capitalize “Commissioner”, because you’re using it as a title.

Could change that to “who called on Mike Brown for help (or assistance)”

I’m in a rush but I’ll come back, reread, and update my answer if I see anything else 🙂

Great paragraph!

Some things to change:

— “The Cincinnati Bengals” (no apostrophe)

— “Some people think THAT the NFL will…”

— Harsher —> more harsh

— “With harsh punishments enforced, THEY will…”

The Cincinnati Bengals arrest checklist is poor. many of the Bengals have commited crimes because of the fact of drugs, DUI and different unlawful activities. many of the crimes can effect in sunpension from the crowd of even reformatory time. it particularly is hurting the common team by utilising taking sturdy gamers away and making the franchise look undesirable. The NFL desires to crack down on punishments for many of the crimes comitted from stupidity. With greater harsh punishments, the gamers shouldn’t dedicate the crimes as plenty and alter the common public’s opinion of the NFL and the Cincinnati.

“These” sounds better than ‘those’ in the second sentence, and “Bengal’s” (shows possession) should be “Bengals” (plural).