8/4 Saturday

Today, after having a breakfast, I went to the theater with my brothers to watch some movies. When I got there, lots of people were there. Most people chose to watch D-War, so we decided to watch that movie. D-War is the name of the movie made by Sim hyung lae. I had a lot of fun with this movie, especially the ending part.

Corrected. It was OK – just remember not to start a sentence with And or But. Punctuation has also been corrected to make the sentences read better.

Today after breakfast I went to the theater with my brothers to watch some movies. There were many people in the theater when we arrived. Most of them wanted to watch “D-War”, so we agreed to watch it also. This movie was made by Sim Hyung Lae. I very much enjoyed this movie, especially the part at the end.

(Your English is coming along very well. Keep working at it.)

I went to GLS language school in the morning and then went to Math school to take a math lesson in the afternoon. Even though I want to have some free time, I really have to study harder to go to Go-Yang Foreign language high school. I do not know if I am going to make it, but I decided to try harder to make my dream come true. Also, my whole family planned to go to my aunt’s house tomorrow. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

8/4 Saturday

Today, after having breakfast, I went to the theater with my brothers to watch some movies. When I got there, lots of people were in there and most people chose to watch D-War so we decided to watch that movie. D-War is the name of the movie which was made by Sim hyung lae. I had a lot of fun with this movie, especially the ending part.

Just keep in mind, this is still written in a very simple style. Still, it is not gramatically correct. You didn’t do so bad on your own; your problem was with run on sentences, or sentence fragments. What you can’t do is end a sentence and then begin the next with the word ‘and.’ Use a comma and then do not capitalize the and. Hope this helped!

8/4 Saturday

Today, after having breakfast, I went to the theater with my brothers to watch some movies. When I got there, lots of people were in the theater, And most of them chose to watch D-War. So we decided to watch that movie. And D-War is the movie that was made by Sim hyung lae. I had a lot of fun watching this movie, especially the ending part.

Even though, I would like to have some free time, I have to study hard, in order to go to Yang Foreign Language High School.

I’m not sure if I’ll make it, but I’m going to try hard to make my dream come true.

My entire family is planning to come to my aunt’s house tomorrow. I can hardly wait.

Today, after having breakfast, I went to the theater with my brother to watch movies.

There were many people there, when we arrived. Most of the people already there, were watching the D-War, so we also watched it.

D-War, is the name of a movie which was made by Sim Hyung Lae.

I enjoyed the movie, especially the end.

I hope this helps you..Good Luck with your classes..Juanna

Make sure your sentences are active (“was made by Sim…”=”Sim Hyung Lae made…”)

Do not contract words (can’t=cannot)

Make sure you capitalize proper nouns (i.e GLS Language School and Go-Yang Foreign Language High School).

I went to GLS Language School in the morning, then to Math school for math lesson in the afternoon. I had some free time but I have to study in order to go to Go-Yang Foreign Language High School. I do not know if the school will accept me, but I decided to try my hardest to have my dream come true. I cannot wait because my family and I are planning to visit my aunt tomorrow.

8/4

After breakfast, my brother and I went to the theater to watch a movie. There were many people waiting to watch D-War. We decided to watch the same movie. Sim Hyung Lae made the movie. I enjoyed the movie, especially the ending.

I went to GLS language school this morning and then to a math class this afternoon. My free time is limited, but I know have to prepare for the more demanding Go-Yang Foreign Language High School. I have some reservations, but I’m determined to pursue my dream. I’m looking forward to spending time with my family at my aunt’s house tomorrow.

Today, after breakfast, I joined my brothers to see a movie. The theatre was crowded. D-war, made by Sim Hyung Lae seemed the most popular choice. I really enjoyed the movie, especially the ending.

“And most people chose to watch D-War.”

“And D-War is the name of the movie which was made by Sim hyung lae.”

*Also, I think that name should be Sim Hyung Lae.

The last few sentence might look better this way.

D-War was made by Sim hyung lae. I had a lot of fun with this movie but the ending was my favorite.

and when you said ‘going to my aunt’s house tomorrow. i cant wait for tomorrow’ that sounds a little strange so you should say ‘going to my aunt’s house tomorrow. I can’t wait!’

i hope i helped ♥