A few days ago
all work and no play

Help! Fix this paragraph please!?

The problem is my transition into when the character looks around him. I can’t get the rhythm right, but I wanted to say something like “He took visage of the area in hopes of regaining his bearings” or something but it doesn’t sound or flow right. Am I missing a sentence somewhere? I don’t know why this isn’t working I’ve been sitting at it for like an hour and I’m just stuck. Any help por favor?

The hunter kneaded his head in an attempt to shake the remnants of his bizarre hallucination, then slowly raised himself to a sitting position. As his hands pushed at the ground to lift his upper body, they sank slightly, fingers curling downward into soft, loose sand. (Transition into looking around him) Dark, empty beachfront to either side of him, dense forest behind him, and infinite black ocean stretching forever deep into the horizon.

Top 5 Answers
A few days ago
monica t

Favorite Answer

I think your trouble may be with the word “visage”, since it usually is used in regards to a person’s face or appearance, and generally never as a verb, as you are trying to use it.

vis·age (vzj) n.

1. The face or facial expression of a person; countenance.

2. Appearance; aspect: the bleak visage of winter.

Instead, try to substitute the word with another word or phrase, and then it’ll work better for you.

Try one of these instead- scrutinized, surveyed, gazed, assessed, regarded, considered….there are so many!

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A few days ago
Anonymous
Oh, that’s an interesting paragraph of whatever you’re writing xD Hm, maybe you can do:

…soft, loose sand. He took visage of the area in hopes of regaining his bearings, but was only met with dark, empty beachfronts to either side of him, dense forest behind him, and infinite black ocean stretching forever deep into the horizon.

Hope that helps 🙂

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A few days ago
Anonymous
this is what i would say, but im not an expert:

around him there was a dark, empty beachfront. a dense forest laid behind him, and infront of him, an infinite deep ocean streched forever into the horizon

hope this helps!=)

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4 years ago
Anonymous
A thick, steel style jerked Parker from her strategies. Blood. She hadn’t found out she’d been biting that stressful. Sucking her lip to resign the acrid liquid flowing down her tongue, Parker glanced around to work out if everybody had observed/wiped her mouth together with her forearm. a minimum of the soreness could distract her from the situation and the feelings that she wasn’t on the fringe of being waiting to handle. What do you think of? the / is an the two/or variety deal 🙂
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A few days ago
Experto Credo
VIsage is the wrong word completely and makes it come off as pretentious.

“Shaking the clouds that fogged his vision, he attempted to focus on his surroundings. Parts of his brain told him he had been here before, but others parts denied that claim. Nothing made real sense.”

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