A few days ago
*()()() FurElise()()()*

help 10 points to best answer- phrasing in my short story?

Does this make sense? She felt like crying but she couldn’t, the tears just wouldn’t succumb.

does succumb work in there? i don’t think it fits… but maybe or if not whats another word i could use

Top 8 Answers
A few days ago
Anonymous

Favorite Answer

If the girl in the story has a strong character for dealing with problems, then the idea expressed by “succumb” is appropriate – for the girl, but NOT for her tears. If this girl were adamant she was not going to submit to and be overcome by her circumstances you might write something like this:

She felt like crying, but she couldn’t. She was NOT going to succumb to her tears.

On the other hand, another reason this girl could not cry would be the she was so overwhelmed by the situation she was completely numb, in shock. In this case, her feelings of wanting to cry are so overpowering she finds her normal emotional responses have stopped working. In this latter case, you might write something like this:

She felt desperately like crying, but she couldn’t. Her tears had just seemed to dry up.

… Her tears just weren’t there.

… Her tears, her head, her heart had shut down.

Does this help?

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A few days ago
Anonymous
No; succumb means to give in. SHE was the one who wouldn’t succumb to crying; the tears didn’t get a vote in the matter. How about “come” or “flow” instead?
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A few days ago
tangos_w_ducks
Succumb isn’t really a proper word. Saying “the tears just wouldn’t come” would make much more sense.

Use a thesaurus if you want to use more unique words.

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A few days ago
Anonymous
She felt like crying but she couldn’t. The tears just wouldn’t come.

Succumb means yield or surrender. In your sentence this would mean that the tears would not stop. This is the opposite of what you seem to be trying to say.

Come, start, fall, appear, materialize are all appropriate alternatives.

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A few days ago
Anonymous
Not really, it would sound better if you said something like, “She felt like crying but she couldn’t; her tears just weren’t cooperating.” it kinda changes the meaning of the sentence, but it sounds like that was what you were going for.
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A few days ago
Buzzy
but the tears just wouldn’t come.

You can eliminate “but she couldn’t”

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A few days ago
Kermitbust
how about “the tears just wouldn’t fall”?
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A few days ago
William M
Try flow.
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