Did the choices tempt you yesterday?? How about another story with any 7 of these?
2. Baby, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet
3. Meet ya at the ______________
4. How you been you little rascal you
5. I suggest you take a long bath
6. I’ve got a hole in my pocket
7. Now that’s what I call _______________
8. A hush fell over the crowd
9. It must have skipped my mind
We go back a long way. But today she seemed a bit het up about somthin’. “Where’s the 20 bucks you owe me?” she said rudely. “It must of skipped my mind” I replied. “Yadda Yadda Yadda” she said. “Just gemme the 20 bucks”.
Now, I am a peaceful sort of feller but sometimes somebody hits the wrong button. Even Lou backed backed up a piece when he saw my face. A hush fell over the crowd as I gave “the look” to Sue.
“Sue” I said. “Now you may well be the most available girl in these parts but that don’t give you any right to come on like that. Has it ever occured to you that not everybody finds you amusing? That bein’ said, I think we ought to take our business outside”.
“Meet ya at the truck stop” she said as she walked out.
Now ya gotta understand, I work there. The Flying J on route 41. Can’t miss it. I am the truck wash Asst. Manager. Proud of it too.
Anyways, I got in the truck and drove over there. I was sorta suprised to find my cat, Psyhco B****, in the front seat. Usually I find her chewing off the trailer hitch on the bumper.
“How you been you little rascal you?” I said to her. Well, to be honest, I didn’t say all that. I was about half way through when she started ripping up my jeans and tore the gun rack off of the back window. She is a bit fiesty.
So, after wiping off some of the blood, I got to the truck stop. Sure as h*** there was Sue waitin.
“What happened to you?” she said looking at my shredded jeans and blood smeared boots. All I could do was gesture with my thumb towards the truck and the snarling Psycho B****.
” You look like crap. I suggest you take a long bath” she said. ” And where’s my twenty bucks?”
“Sue, now I know you ain’t gonna belive this, but I had the twenty on me. But seein’ as I got this hole in my pocket, what’s left of it anyway, I just don’t know where it is”.
Ha, she bought it! Ya know Sue ain’t that pretty. An’ she’s ’bout as dumb as dirt. But I did feel a tad bad about the whole thing.
So I figured to make it up to her I’d give her treat. An’ I had to clean up anyway.
Just then a big ol’ semi comes in and drives to the auto wash. I know about this s***.
So I grab Sue by the hand. “Baby you ain’t seen nothin yet. Follow me!”
So I give her a boost up to the top of the trailer just before it goes through those big brush things. “Quick, quick! Get yer clothes off” I yell at her. “Now lay down on yer back an close yer eyes!
Hot D***. There ain’t nothin like layin there all naked and stuff and havin them ol brushes clean ya up good! Now tha’ts what I call a good time!
Only one thing though. Next time I’m gonna lay on my belly when I go through those brush things. Sue liked it a lot, but it was sort of painfull for me.
“How you been you little rascal you”, Jerry said, as he punched Sam on the arm. You were supposed to call me a couple months ago to catch me up on the gossip. What happened to you?”
“Sorry, Jer, it must have skipped my mind”, Sam said, as he looked down at his shoe, his face red and no smile.
“Yadda, yadda, yadda, that aint no excuse, Sam, what’s
going on with you anyway? Tell you what, how ’bout if I meet ya at the checkout counter and we’ll go outside and talk a minute. You look like you got something you need to share.”
“Okay, man, I’ll see you in a minute” said Sam.
A few minutes later they made it through the check out and stood just outside the store.
“All right Sam, what’s up?” said Jerry putting his arm around his friend.
“Well, its like this”, Sam said in a quiet voice, “I’ve got a hole in my pocket when it comes to gambling and I lost it all the other day. Then my wife kicked me out yesterday….I had to sleep in the car. I don’t think things could get any worse.”
“Sam,old bud,…now that’s what I call a problem! Tell you what. You come over to my house to stay a couple days ok? We haven’t talked in awhile. I’ll find some extra clothes that will fit you and I suggest you take a long bath while I fix supper. Then we’ll sort this all out , ok?”
Sam nodded his head. “Thanks, Jer….you’re not going to believe this but I prayed today for the first time in awhile….that God would help me out here. I felt so alone. Thank you friend.”
“Sam, this really is God’s doing here. I never come to this store and I sure didn’t expect to see you. The other store was out of some things I needed so this was the next closest place to look. God does work in mysterious ways….and baby, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet!”
“We-e-e-e-l by golly, long time no see , Mary Jo! [How you been you little rascal you]? “Billy patted me on the head, scruffling my hair. “Let’s say I grab the tackle and you grab the pic nic basket an’ I’ll [meet ya at the favorite fishin’ hole just the way we us’ter long ago”?
“Sure nuff!” I agreed. “Just lemme get on back home and fetch a few things an’ I’ll be on my way.”
Later on that after noon Billy Bob and Mary Jo were relaxing along the bank of Root River, a tributary of the Mississippi. They had a stringer full of Blue Gill and Crappe they caught early on in the day and now it was nearing evening time.
“Thinks we should be getting on fer home now, Billy Bob? I asked wrapping the blanket around me that earlier served for picnic cloth.
Billy Bob was just getting ready to reel in his line when he lets out a loud yowl ,”[Baby, you aint seen nuthin’ yet! Looks like I’ve hooked on to a big one this time!”
`___I need to finish later– what do ya think so far?____
“The Huckleberry Finn Wannbe”
Miss Kitty Russell was taking a stroll down Front Street, having just been to the Town Hall, discussing the upcoming election of the mayorial race.
“Alright then, Miss Kitty. I’ll expect your full support, come November?” asked Ret. Col. Carl Brose..
Kitty was about to answer when, what can only be described as a cloud of dust, could be seen streaking into town. Kitty barely escaped injury as Sunshine MacGillicuty lasooed the hitching post and dismounted.
“(4)How you been you little rascal you ?” Col. Brose was very fond of Marshal Dillon’s new girlfriend. “That’s pretty fair ropin’……For a girl.” He smiled.
“(2) Baby, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.” yelled Sunshine as she jumped back on the saddle and proceeded to play her harmonica while juggling her pistol, hat and canteen.
Kitty stared in bewilderment……”(1) Has it ever occured to you that not everyone finds you amusing ?”
Sunshine laughed….”Hee Haw…..No. Not really. Lighten up, babe.
It’s a beautiful day, there ain’t no Indian war parties on the horizon aaaaaaaaand ……..I’ve just been helping Dave and Marta Stewart paint their fence………… I earned a free dinner tonight for me and Matt.”
As Sunshine got off her horse and was putting away her canteen, Kitty walked over to her. She leaned forward and sniffed………” Might (5) I suggest you take a long bath, first!”
“(7) Now that’s what I call a grand idea!!! Hmmmmm…..(9) It must have skipped my mind. And I’ll tell you something, Kitty. You know……..I don’t git in that tub with no rubber ducky……. HEY,MATT!!!!!” she yelled toward the jail. “”Let’s go home and get jiggy in a tub of bubbles!!”
Matt Dillon came out of his office with a big smile, albeit crimson faced.
Kitty looked first at Matt and then at Sunshine…….”Do you mean to tell me that you BATHE with this Huckleberry Finn Wannbe ?!!!
Matt walked over to Sunshine and kissed her freckled nose…….”Yup……..Every chance I get.”
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