According to my CALENDAR, I got CABLE TELEVISION for the tv in my LIVING ROOM about a week ago. I didn’t feel like watching it today, though, so I got up off of my BAR STOOL and looked up at the CLOCK. Two thirty. Time to check my EMAIL. I got an email from my good friend Ursula, who said she was going on vacation because she thought her house was haunted! I was really intrigued and so I went into the middle of my room and started to chant REDRUM, REDRUM, REDRUM and BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY appeared! “THOSE CLOTHES WOULD LOOK BETTER ON MY FLOOR,” I told him. He undressed as quick as lightening and we did the deed.

Now, nine and a half months later, I don’t know how to tell my son his father is the ghost of Bill Nye.

I was sitting on a bar stool in my living room listening to Bill Nye the science guy on cable television and he asked the question” is redrum really a word, the dictionary doesn’t show it”.

That got me thinking, I’ll ask a friend since it was only nine o-clock. I sent an E-mail to my tailor for the answer. Well he was busy running some cloth through his calender and my call interrupted him.

“I can’t answer your question”, he said I’m tired you see have been making some clothes all day and I feel these clothes would look better on my floor. Lets get together for a drink tomorrow and we’ll talk about it.

I was sitting in my living room checking my email when I found Bill Nye the Science guy on my bar stool, fixing my clock. I asked him what “redrum” meant but all of the sudden he dissapeared into my tv and appeared on cable television and showed the world how to make a rug from only T-shirts! I checked my calandar and found that I had to go wax my cat, but as I left, I could hear him sayin, “those clothes would look better on my floor.”

“Bill Nye the Science guy” was a very lonely man. Even with his own “cable television” show, he was unable to meet women. His social “calender” always seemed to be empty. Night after night, he would sit in his “living room” and check his “E-mail”, hoping to receive a reply from the “calender” model he met while taping his motorized “barstool” episode. He was beginning to think his opening line, “those clothes would look better on my floor” was not a good idea. After checking the “clock” on his nightstand he realized another day had passed without meeting a woman he could spend the rest of his life with. He sadly went to bed alone again watching TV. He drifted off to sleep as the little boy from The shining was saying “redrum” redrum redrum.

Bill Nye the science guy said, “those clothes would look better on my floor”, as he slowly woke up. He quickly glanced at the calendar near the clock. “August 4, 2007”, he said. He then got out of bed and made his way into the living room calmly sitting on a bar stool. He reflected for a moment about last nights cable television broadcast, had he been too upbeat. He dicided to check his e-mail and reflected in the computer screen wasthe articlae in last nights paper, redruM in big bold letters or murder when spelled correctly. Bill thought reflections and reflective devices may make a good theme for his next show. Bill drank his coffee.

I didnt pay my cable television bill again so I called to talk to someone, well maybe u can mark it on your calender for next time i thought . So since my cable is cut off i go to the pub and i fall of my barstool i look up and see Bill Nye the science guy laughin at me. So im thinkin redrum sucka. I go back home and as im sittin in the living room checking my email I check my clock. Well its laundry time again cause all i have clean are tshirts and how stupid is it to hang up tshirts maybe those clothes would look better on the floor since its a waste of space to hang them up, then i can buy more clothes to hang up. Well i better get to cleaning

I had the strangest dream last night. I was watching my cable TV and Bill Nye the Science guy was on explaining the inter workings of a clock of all things. I remember checking my e-mail while sitting in my living room and it had this criptic message” those clothes would look better on my floor”. I then looked up at the mirror and seen the word REDRUM written in blood, out of the corner of my eye I noticed Bill Nye with a knife coming towards me. I jumped up grabbed a barstool and beat him to death. I then woke up, thank goodness it was only I dream.

I just got an (email) saying that I got free (cable television). It said that I would get it in a (month). So I checked the (calendar) and then the (clock). So the next morning I walked to my (Living room) and sat down on the new (barstool) I got. Flicked on the television and (Bill Nye the Science guy) was on and I heard a boom from next to me and a lady screamed (“those clothes would look better on my floor”) and then loudly Bill said (redrum) and the power went out.

The End

It’s 10 o’CLOCK p.m., and despite the fact that my CALENDAR for the next day is full, my new toy is luring me in. It’s a subscription to CABLE TELEVISION. I’ve been waiting for this day all my life. No more getting arrested for smashing a BAR STOOL over my broadcast TV. Now it’s all I can do to get a few more minutes of “BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY”. I also like the show with the briefcases & the bald guy, and I watched the one with boy who says “REDRUM” – seen that one twice today. I’m never going to leave my LIVING ROOM. I’ll just have my wife print out all of my E-MAIL. Let’s see what’s on Skinamax.

“Those clothes would look better on my floor.”

“NIICCEEE”.

In my living Room stood Bill Nye the Science guy. “Redrum”, he exclaimed as he sat down on a bar stool watching my cable television, which displayed, The Shining, a movie that I love. Glancing at Bill reminded me of a calender girl, who made me say aloud, “those clothes would look better on my floor”. Knowing that I was ‘flaming’, well, it made Bill mad; and, he jumped from the stool next to the clock, glanced at the calender while saying he would email me next week. He slammed the door on the way out. I never saw Bill again.