or

1. The best advice a stranger ever gave me was “children should be seen and not run over.”

or

1. The best advice a stranger ever gave me was: “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t lead a fish to hay”

or

1. The best advice a stranger ever gave me was “You can take the kid out of the country but you can’t leave him in Mexico.”

or

1. The best advice a stranger ever gave me was “Never let them see you pick you nose and wipe it under the table.”

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because America likes to put people on a pedestal and I don’t want to stoop that low.

3. When you told me to mind my own business, I did. And here’s what happened: I closed my shop and got a job.

or

3. When you told me to question authority, I did. And here’s what happened: I asked myself “is this the right thing to do?”.

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be “a penny for your thoughts?”

or

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be “can I get some more questions”

or

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be “Dude, what happened, we thought you were dead!?”

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because I was too busy in hollywood movies.

3. When you told me to keep moving, I did. And here’s what happened: I reached the other side of the world!

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be how to write an essay on your achievements..

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because Simon’s price was WAY more the Paula’s or Randy’s and my grandmama has to stop the plasma donations for awhile because a vein collapsed. (But, the kids seem to tolerate the process just fine so I’m going to try to increase their output by sending them in with disguises for extra sessions. If all goes well, I should have the rest of the cash in about 13 weeks.)

3. When you told me to, “Beat it!”, I did. And here’s what happened: It didn’t like it …and now’s he’s coming after you to return the favor because I told him it was your idea.

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be, “I think we could learn a lot from you still today, won’t you let me ask you more than one question?”

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because they didn’t vote william hung through.

3. When you told me to go jump in a lake, I did. And here’s what happened: I found a bunch of rap CD’s floating near the bottom.

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be why he liked to watch plays so badly.

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because I’m court ordered not to sing after my neighbor reported me for torturing cats.

3. When you told me to go **** myself, I did. And here’s what happened: I never called me again and I think I’m a compelte asshole.

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be “What’s with the beard?”.

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because I’m wayyyy to cool for Simon!

3. When you told me to put 1/4 cup of salt in the cookies I did. And here’s what happened: they tasted disgusting and didn’t rise!

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be why the heck is the hat black? It’s so depressing.

1. The best advice a stranger ever gave me was to stop randomly opening the airlock. I’ve not lost a friend, relative, or housepet since.

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because I terrify Simon Cowell. One snippy little barb from him and he knows I’d fry his pasty smug a.s.s.

3. When you told me to floss, I did. And here’s what happened: the remaining colonists from a highly-advanced, microscopic civilization were evicted from between the incisor and molar, forcing them to rebuild (again) their shattered world, at the bottom of my bathroom wastebasket. Next to the warring species inhabiting my old q-tips.

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be “If you were asked for an ID, would you simply present a $5 bill?” (that “how was the play” line has been done to death)

The best advice a stranger ever gave me was “son…I don’t care who you are, or what you do, a wedgie is never funny.”

The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because America has not been spontaneously struck deaf and would therefore not appreciate my choral talents.

When you told me to do the dishes, I did. And here’s what happened: The neighbors all came over in droves and began dropping their dirty dishes in the sink, fully expecting that I would wash them too because I’m a nice guy, but I didn’t and THAT’S why the sink is still full so please don’t hit me dear I love you.

If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be “Why the tophat? I mean really. Elle Mcpherson would so not approve.”

The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because I have been an Idle American.

When you told me to jump, I did. The cast comes off in six months.

If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be – except for that, how did you like the show?

2. The reason I have not been on “American Idol” yet is because L A is a great big freeway.

3. When you told me to _please share my umbrella_, I did. And here’s what happened: by August she was mine.

4. If I had an opportunity to ask Abraham Lincoln one question, it would be “What if God was one of us?”