1)…I think I NEED a sponge bath (waggle eyebrows and cigar…think Groucho Marx)

2)….’Pickled Pepper’ to win in the fourth.

3)…said your mother was leaving, until I remembered she was just at the mall.

4)… practicing a clown routine for the circus!

5)…he had the first penny he ever earned, framed by his bedside so he could kiss it good night.

2) Peter Piper picked up Bill and took him out for a nice romantic evening.

3) I thought I died and went to Heaven when you came to my door in your birthday suit.

4) You call that dancing? I thought you were having a seizure.

5) He was SO cheap he asked for a glass of water and asked if he could get a discount if they used a dirty glass.

Peter Piper picked up a hooker who liked pickles.

I thought I died and went to heaven when you put that apron on and did the dishes.

You call that dancing? I thought you were trying to get to the toilet.

She was so cheap she got her breast implants from Goodyear.

2) Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. He is currently having his stomach pumped in the ER !!

3) I thought I died and went to Heaven when you told me that my stories made you laugh and cry and THINK. You ARE sober….RIGHT?!

4) You call that dancing? I thought you were having sympathy pains with Peter Piper!!

5) He was SO cheap that on our honeymoon, I had to wait tables so we’d get our meals free !

1] Nurse!! Nurse!! Come quick…I think I heard that comatose dude in the next bed singing the national anthem.

2] Peter Piper picked his nose and fetched a pail of water. [I got nothin’]

3] I thought I died and went to Heaven when you came home with a frosty keg and lobster!

4] You call that dancing? I thought you were trying to get a bee out of your pants.

5] He was SO cheap…’how cheap was he’, he was SO cheap he’d pick up cigarette butts, and re-roll the tobacco remnants.

Peter Piper picked a pickle

I thought I died and went to Heaven when you passed that smelly fart

You call that dancing? I thought you were in the middle of a seizure

He/she was so cheap that his/her butt squeaked

#2. Peter Piper picked A PECK OF PICKLED PEPPERS AND SAID, “DAMN! TOO MUCH VINEGAR AGAIN!”

#3. I thought I died and went to heaven when you FINALLY QUIT SINGING IN THE SHOWER!

#4. You call that dancing? I thought you were TRYING TO WAVE DOWN A COP!

#5. He was so cheap HE DEMANDED A REFUND ON HIS BUBBLE GUM WHEN HE LOST THE BUBBLE BLOWING CONTEST!

2) Peter Piper picked _____preetiful pansies…..______

3) I thought I died and went to Heaven when you___left_____

4) You call that dancing? I thought you were___having seizures_____

5) He/she was SO cheap__he gave his daughter a homemade card for her 7th birthday.._________

sorry if that sucked…..i tried, im not very funny though.

2) Peter Piper picked his picker

3) I thought I died and went to Heaven when you shot me turned out to be hell

4) You call that dancing? I thought you were chokeing

5) He/she was SO cheap i fuc*ed her

2.a pepperoni taco

3.blew peters horn

4.having a seizure

5.he used discarded toothpicks