NEW COLLEGE ESSAY!!! tell me what you think?
I will strive to be a tremendous asset to Northeastern University by devoting all my time to becoming an excellent student. I believe that I am obligated to use my talents in a constructive manner, in a manner that benefits society. The medical career gives me the unique opportunity to express my many talents while benefiting human life.
Going to a medical school and earning a degree has always been a dream of mine. My life, like many others has seen and been through times of sorrow. I have watched one loves in pain, with uncertainty of their future. Just recently a long lost Uncle has reappeared in the lives of my family. Glad to see him him back but, I’m sad and worried about is life. He has been diagnosed with throat cancer, and must under go chemotherapy. Watching his struggles urges me to learn more about steps into recovery and how I can be of help. Cancer rates are at large tacking away to many people too soon. I believe that Doctors don’t just treat bodies they also listen to souls because sometimes the illness is cured by a friend.
Becoming a doctor has always been a passion of mine ever since i was a little girl. Now that I am older that feeling has grown into a heart felt desire. I want to be a doctor so I can serve others and make them feel truly comfortable. I have shared the lives of my patients as a personal care attendant, I have laughed and cried with them. This is what i want to do with my life.
I believe that my ability to improve and expand my communication skills since I was constantly meeting numerous people which makes me well suited to pursue a medical career. I also consider myself a “people” person. As a sales consultant, I interact and communicate with a variety of people thereby expanding my ability to discuss a wide range of topics. Because people constantly disclosed their personal issues to me, I learned to become not only a good conversationalist, but also an excellent listener. In medical school, I also plan to pursue side work like Volunteering. One of my most rewarding experiences has been helping patients as a Personal Care Attendant. As a Personal Care Attendant I’ve learned not only
I am Highly motivated to succeed, I dramatically improved my grades following a time at North Shore Community College. In the past year I have learned a lot through my experiences and relationships. I’ve realized that I was trying so much to make everyone else happy that I wasn’t keeping myself and my interests in mind at times when I should have. Once I realized what goal i wanted to pursue in my life, i plan to work hard to succeed in achieving this goal.
I have been diligent in my pursuit of medicine as a career because I am convinced that medicine offers me the opportunity to live a fulfilling, rewarding life dedicated to helping others. I will enter medicine eager to learn. Attending Northeastern University would be one of the greatest rewards for my motivation and persistence for success.
Favorite Answer
Fix up your grammar a bit and try using complex sentences to make it less choppy, but otherwise it’s a good essay.
P#1 replace “:” at end of paragraph with a “.”
insert an additional CR after this P.
P#2 “constructive manner, in a manner is redundent… remove “in a manner” after the comma
P#3 – sentence 2 awkward phrasing. Try: My life, like that of many others, has been through times of sorrow.
sentence 3 more awkward. ?? I have watched loved ones in pain, when they were uncertain of their future. ??
sentence #5 “I am glad to see him back… and “his life” not is life
sentence #6 – undergo is one word.
sentence #8 – taking away too many … not taking and to
sentence #9 – ; belongs after bodies or else put a period.
P#4 – much improved… but that should be a “;’ not a “,” before I have laughed
p #5 – good on communication skills – BUT… having worked at a medical school, and having married a doctor, I can tell you that you will NOT have time to pursue ANY side work, much less do Volunteer work. It’s VERY time consuming and demanding and you won’t have time to do volunteer work while you are in medical school, internship or residency. It’s really hard if you MUST work to support yourself while attending medical school, but don’t think you’ll have time to do volunteer work during the school year. Medical school is intense and demanding and time consuming.
The grammar in P5 is good, but the last sentence is missing some of your text and as it stands, I believe it’s called a “dangling participle”… or something like that…
P#6 – looks good… just capitalize “i” … it’s “I”
P#7 – looks good
😀
I disagree with ~â¥~ on a few of her comments. I see no problem mentioning the loss of your uncle. Your style… your choice… your continuity… While the teachers see a lot of deaths & divorces in essays, that’s not necessarily a reason to leave them out to “stand out from the crowd”.
Her suggestion on mentioning more on NE and why this college will help make your dream come true is good. The grammer I already addressed in detail.
- Academic Writing
- Accounting
- Anthropology
- Article
- Blog
- Business
- Career
- Case Study
- Critical Thinking
- Culture
- Dissertation
- Education
- Education Questions
- Essay Tips
- Essay Writing
- Finance
- Free Essay Samples
- Free Essay Templates
- Free Essay Topics
- Health
- History
- Human Resources
- Law
- Literature
- Management
- Marketing
- Nursing
- other
- Politics
- Problem Solving
- Psychology
- Report
- Research Paper
- Review Writing
- Social Issues
- Speech Writing
- Term Paper
- Thesis Writing
- Writing Styles