Keep it light and funny. Sarcasm works wonders–thanks for all the days when the hot water ran out in the dorms because cold showers kept our minds on our books instead of on our bodies…thanks for the leaky roof in the botany building, saved us the trouble of having to water all the plants…thanks for Wednesday night goulash in the cafeterias, saved us the expense of Weight Watchers,…etc. You get the picture. Take all of the crazy, horrible things that you have had to endure and turn them into a joke–and wish the freshmen four years that have been just as much fun as yours have been. Then let them all know that you’re passing out free plastic rain bonnets to everyone who has a botany course next semester! (Or whatever!) Good luck with your speech. Say little, and laugh a lot.

You should describe your experience as a rope. You’re on one end of the rope, and the freshmen are on the other end. You’re going to pull them along. Something like that.