A few days ago
krystal G

COLLEGE ESSAY??? what do you think?

what do you think what will the university think?? should i add more ..what should i add …any errors???????

When I look at this picture of myself, I realize how much I’ve grown and changed, not only physically, but also mentally as a person In the last couple of years. Less than one month after this photograph was taken, I arrived at North Shore Community College without any idea of what to expect. Around me in this picture are the things which were most important in my life at the time:

I will strive to be a tremendous asset to Northeastern University by devoting all my time to becoming an excellent student. I believe that I am obligated to use my talents in a constructive manner, in a manner that benefits society. The medical career gives me the unique opportunity to express my many talents while benefiting human life.

Going to a medical school and earning a degree has always been a dream of mine. My life, like many others has seen and been through times of sorrow. I have watched one loves in pain, with uncertainty of their future. Just recently a long lost Uncle has reappeared in the lives of my family. Glad to see him him back but, I’m sad and worried about is life. He has been diagnosed with throat cancer, and must under go chemotherapy. Watching his struggles urges me to learn more about steps into recovery and how I can be of help. Cancer rates are at large tacking away to many people too soon. I believe that Doctors don’t just treat bodies they also listen to souls because sometimes the illness is cured by a friend.

I believe that my ability to improve and expand my communication skills since I was constantly meeting numerous people which makes me well suited to pursue a medical career. I also consider myself a “people” person. As a sales consultant, I interact and communicate with a variety of people thereby expanding my ability to discuss a wide range of topics. Because people constantly disclosed their personal issues to me, I learned to become not only a good conversationalist, but also an excellent listener. In medical school, I also plan to pursue side work like Volunteering. One of my most rewarding experiences has been helping patients as a Personal Care Attendant.

I am Highly motivated to succeed, I dramatically improved my grades following a time at North Shore Community College. In the past year I have learned a lot through my experiences and relationships. I’ve realized that I was trying so much to make everyone else happy that I wasn’t keeping myself and my interests in mind at times when I should have. Once I realized what goal i wanted to pursue in my life, i plan to work hard to succeed in achieving this goal.

I have been diligent in my pursuit of medicine as a career because I am convinced that medicine offers me the opportunity to live a fulfilling, rewarding life dedicated to helping others. I will enter medicine eager to learn. Attending Northeastern University would be one of the greatest rewards for my motivation and persistence for success.

Top 4 Answers
A few days ago
D

Favorite Answer

The problem with the essay is that you say a lot of things but don’t prove them. Its also not very centered on a main idea. You can say anything you want about how you are going to do this and that but there is no substance to it. Show concrete examples. Your tone also needs to be drastically different. Its way too passive. I agree with the person who answered before me. Trash this essay, start over, and write about one person, thing, or event that made you feel all this. Don’t discourage though, it gets better after the first initial draft. Most people’s first essay looks something similar to this. Major proofreading is also needed. G’luck
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A few days ago
think about that~
I understand the point, and it seems heart felt which is great. There are a lot of grammatical errors. Try proof reading it out loud and you should be able to catch most of them.

For example: I believe that my ability to improve and expand my communication skills since I was constantly meeting numerous people which makes me well suited to pursue a medical career.

This sentence is way too long.. I know what you are trying to say, but as is… It does not make sense.

Good luck- Sounds like you know where you are going in life! Don’t give up! 🙂

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A few days ago
Bri
Ok..no no no…colleges aren’t looking for “I will do this” “I am good at this” or “I will be a good student.” They get thousands of those. You don’t want to say I am good at this or that..that sounds biggeted and can get annoying to the reader. Your tone is benign, but it’s not a creative enough essay to stand out through all those other people who have the same qualifications as you. When you talk about your sick uncle, dont’ go into how you want to do this or that..maybe you can just show them how you deal with it in a unique way. Perhaps you check his pulse rate while looking at his breathing apparatus and making sure his general health is ok all at the same time. This would have sure evidence that you can multitask and deal with some stress, the stress of your uncle with cancer.

Don’t go into how you want to be this or that. Just explain in a heart-felt and HUMBLE essay how you are. Give them a gist of your everyday life, not the life you wish to have. Trust me, people taht get into harvard and stanford are not the people that write about how they would be a good asset, but they demonstrate that they will. For example, there is this essay that a guy that got into stanford wrote and it described his mangled hand and how he could deal with drums (with one hand – some people can’t do it with two!) and that his hand was not a “handicap” as people labelled it as. This shows strength in character as well as the ability to handle many things at once, an important trait to being a college student.

My advice: Either change the whole tone of your essay or trash it and start over. Unless the prompt is “how will you be a good asset to Northeastern University,” the essay is inappropriate.

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A few days ago
EG
wrote yor essay here? who’ll read?
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