Secondly, I am 22 and I totally understand where you are coming from. I went to my dream school for a year, expecting to do really well… Then I started missing classes, partying too much… which turned into never going to classes and partying all the time. I got so depressed it got to the point I did not even want to get out of bed in the morning.

The school kicked me out after a year (I can’t believe they didnt kick you out yet if you have relaly failed everything!!) and I had to come home and fess up to my family. Of course they were mad, but they also loved me and wanted to help me. They knew I could do better but that something was blocking it, something beyond laziness.

I was diagnosed with severe depression when I came home. The healing process is long and takes hard work, but it is undeniably worth it. You CAN get your life together.

I know you dont want to tell your family, but you know what? They are going to figure it out eventually. Either tell them now and let the healing process begin (for all of you!) or keep tormenting yourself and lying to them until you are supposed to graduate. You know in your heart that they are going to find out one way or another, and it will be so much better coming from you.

Take a deep breath and tell them. Tell them how you have been feeling… Sure, they will be mad, but give them time to process everything. Your family loves you, they will want to help you.

And yes, you should start over… try a local community college. I go to Cleveland State now and I am getting straight As and rarely skip class anymore. Part of suceeding is just showing up, its cheesy, but true!! Get in touch with a counselor at your school (at mine and most it is free) that you can see regularly to help you keep on track.

But before you even think about that, you need to work on the issues that you have developed since being at school. Once you work those out, nothing will be able to stop you again from acheiving what you want.

I am living proof that you can change and create the life you wanted… I will be thinking of you.

After a careful second reading of your plight, I feel that you never really started at all. You are not worthless but apparently you are in the hole financially. Perhaps the answer is to just stop now, since you aren’t ‘doing good’ (should be doing well, BTW), get into counseling, get grounded enough psychologically so that you can set reasonable goals based on your talents, and then ‘start’. From your letter it seems likely that your parents will be supportive and understanding and you owe no one else anything. You don’t even owe your parents because they are always there to help if you allow them. Good luck.

your own worse enemy

It is a hard way to learn

but it is time to be an adult

tell them the truth

get a job

pay back the money

learn the lesson