Your paragraphs really need more cohesion and purpose. It appears your thoughts tend to jump around from idea to idea haphazardly.

I would suggest getting in touch with a writing center at your community college you currently attend to provide assistance.

When I look at this picture of myself , I realize how much I’ve grown physically, mentally, and as a person in the last few years. Less than one month after this photograph was taken, I arrived at North Shore Community College without any idea of what to expect. Surrounding me in this picture are the things which were most important in my life at the time, and today’s photo would be different.

If I am accepted to Northeastern University I will strive to be a tremendous community member and student by devoting all my time to my studies and to Northeastern. .I believe that because I work hard and don’t give up easily. I believe that I am obligated to use my talents in a constructive manner, that benefits society and that will help maintain the strong community on the Northeastern campus.

I’ve always wanted to become a Doctor. It has been one of my dreams ever since I was a little girl. Now that I am older, I am truly passionate about becoming a Doctor, and believe I am ready to rise up and meet this challenge. I love helping others and making them feel more comfortable. I am passionate about becoming a Doctor so that I can help others. I have shared the lives of patients as a personal care attendant. I have laughed and I have cried with them. I think I am ready to take the next step and actually help my patients as a certified Doctor.

The medical career gives me the unique opportunity to express my many talents while benefiting human life. Completing medical school has always been a dream of mine. As, like many others, I have been through times of sorrow. I have watched love ones in pain and uncertain futures. Recently, an Uncle has reappeared in the lives of my family. I am glad to see him back and I’m sad and worried about his life. He has been diagnosed with throat cancer and must undergo chemotherapy,. which was a complete shock to me and my family. Watching his struggles urges me to learn more about steps into recovery and how I can help. It is my experience that Physicians don’t just treat bodies; they also listen to patients with their heart and mind because sometimes illness is helped by friendship.

I believe that I have good social skills, and I believe that these skills will make a good foundation to be a successful student and Physician. As a sales consultant, I interact and communicate with a variety of people, expanding my ability to discuss a wide range of topics. Because people seem to frequently disclose their personal issues to me, I have learned to become a good conversationalist and an excellent listener. I believe that my ability to improve and enhance my communication skills makes me well suited to pursue a medical career.

I am highly motivated to succeed. I have dramatically improved my grades following a time at North Shore Community College. In the past year I have learned a lot through my experiences and relationships. I’ve realized that I was trying so much to make everyone else happy that I wasn’t keeping myself and my interests in mind at times. Once I realized what goal I wanted to pursue in my life, I started planning on how to achieve this goal.

I have been diligent in my pursuit of medicine as a career because I am convinced that medicine offers me the opportunity to live a fulfilling, rewarding life dedicated to helping others. I will enter medicine eager to learn. Attending Northeastern University would be one of the greatest rewards for my motivation and persistence for success.

A personal statement shouldn’t be about trying to sell yourself to the school. They want someone who has talents hobbies and a personality that are unique.

This is a decent paper. It’s pretty straight forward. This would be a paper to send only if they ask you to write a paper on why you want to go to that school. Even so, it could use some critiquing. You use repetitive words and it could use more depth.

To write a personal statement, try using some of these steps:

1. Learn more about yourself: Admission personnel want to get to know you personally through your essay; Get to know yourself first. Interview your friends and relatives. Ask them to be completely honest when having them answer these questions. ask: How would you describe me to people who havent met me? Whats the best and worst thing anyone has ever told you about me? What do ou this is my most unusual or unique character trait? What was your initial impression when you first met me?

2.Write down your thoughts and feelings about issues that are most personal and immediate: self-esteem, identity, independence, etc. reflect on your own thoughts each day and record them.

3. With choosing a subject, maybe write on a personal relationship with someone you know and or personally influenced you; your favorite teacher, coach, neighbor, penpals, etc

4.Dont!! write about the college admissions process, the ACT SAT, a big trip to a far away place and how the culture has changed you, the yucky food, etc, Winning or losing a big game, competition or election, a job or unforgettable experience, your favorite things, your determination and tenacity

try reading a variety of admission essays. its time for me to start applying to colleges and i just finished my personal statement by going through a book on writing the best admission essays. It had a variety of helpful tips and had 50 examples of essays. I checked it out at my public library. I recommend you pick it up. It is Peterson’s 3rd edition Best College Admission Essays by Mark Allen Stewart and Cynthia Muchnick.

Be sure to come back and let us know what happened! Good luck!

My best advice is if you have an English teacher who you have enjoyed or just feel is great at spotting errors then ask them if they would help you proof read your paper. Most teachers will be glad to do it and I’m sure feel great having the recognition of a former student. Best of luck

Good luck on Northwestern.

and i really don’t think you should put like.. ” If i am accepted to…. I will work hard..”

put something that will show who you are as a person.