A few days ago

Help with my intro!?

I am correcting an essay I wrote to get into AP Literature and I was wonderign if my intro is strong and if my thesis is well-developed. ANy suggestions would be great!The topic is how is Emma characterized more than Harriet?

Here is waht I have written so far!

In the passage, Harriet Smith’s physical features are expressed in detail and minute facets of Emma’s appearance are stated. With careful reading however, Emma’s character is described far more than Harriet’s. Through characterization we get a good feel for both girls, but in two totally different ways. Emma is characterized through her own personal thoughts and opinions, which lead to a better overall understanding of who she is as a person. With Harriet, we are only introduced with her appearance, getting no insight into her personality. The language and condemning tone toward Emma clearly show her personality while with Harriet we only get to visualize her outer self.

Is it too wordy, jst right, need improving??

Top 1 Answers
A few days ago

Favorite Answer

As an AP English student myself, I understand what you are going through. Overall, I believe the intro to be a bit too wordy, but on the right track. You might try to create more of a variety of types of senteneces so the reading does not sound too mechanical. By creating more complex sentences you change the flow of the reading and actually improve the way it sounds What is actually said though, seems fine for an introduction, at least in my opinion. Hope that this helps.