“i know kung-fu, and 50 other dangerous words”

“I like to run with scissors, they make me feel dangerous”

“Do you think that when they asked George Washington for I.D. that he just whipped out a quarter?”

“A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, ‘Wish you were here'”

“You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

This is unknown…

“The difference between ‘involvement’ and ‘commitment’ is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was ‘involved’- the pig was ‘committed’.”

but who wants to eat worms?

What would I have to do

to just be healthy and wealthy?

Would two stitches in time

save eighteen?

Stay back! My cat has a

black belt in karate!

“Emo kids make me hungry”

I know, I’m a *****