http://brightquotes.com/humr_fr.html

Here are a few things from that site….. enjoy :

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits the newspaper.

– Jerry Seinfeld

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

– Doug Larson

Message on tombstone:

Pause stranger,

As you pass me by.

As you are now,

So once was I.

As I am now,

Soon you shall be.

So prepare for death

And follow me.

Under the above, someone had added the following:

To follow you,

I’m not content

Until I know

Which way you went.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

– Agatha Christie

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

– Groucho Marx

The doctor: ‘John, I have some good news and some bad news.’ John: ‘Give me the good news.’ The doctor: ‘They’re going to name a disease after you.’

All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.

– Jane Wagner

When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn’t talk for a year and a half.

– Gracie Allen

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

– George Carlin

I’m going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.

– S.I. Hayakawa

Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation.

– Kin Hubbard

A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.

– William Arthur Ward

Life is a grindstone. But whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.

– J. Thomas Holdcroft

When it is darkest, the stars come out.

Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still, nine cases out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you.

– Calvin Coolidge

Wisdom is what’s left after we’ve run out of personal opinions.

– Cullen Hightower

Learn from the mistakes of others. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

– Sam Levenson

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.-Albert Einstein

Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.

– Michael Pritchard

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,

inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

“Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

“If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.”

“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.”

“Democracy: Where any two idiots outvote a genius.”

“There is a time and a place for everything, and it’s called college.”

“Love isn’t only blind, it’s also deaf, dumb, and stupid.”

“There is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just pray that it isnt a train.”

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance”

people want everything to change and at the same time want it all to remain the same.

worrying is like a rocking chair…its gives you something to do, but you end up going nowhere.

www.publicspeakerstreasurechest.com