I think it’s the worst when kids cry.

I taught Kindergarten this past year and I had 2 kids that off and on would cry.

One little girl cried often.

I talked to her and comforted her, but nothing seemed to help.

At the suggestion of a co-worker, at the beginning of the year I talked to the child, and told her every day for 5 minutes she would be allowed to cry as much as she wanted at her desk. I would set a timer. After the 5 minutes was up, it was time to join Kindergarten. She did really well with that at first, but then after Christmas break, that no longer worked.

So I talked to her mom and asked her mom to give the child a picture of herself that the child could carry around. Anytime the child felt sad or missed mom, she was allowed to pull out the picture. It worked for that situation.

The other child was much easier. I had my aide take him out and read with him, or play playdoh with him until he was calm. She never talked to him about him crying she just was like, let’s go read, and he would and he would calm down very fast. And that extra attention always cheered him up.

The other thing you could do which I have never tried, but sounds good would be to make up a little treat sheet and make sure the parents are involved. And let’s say the first week if the child cries only 4 out of 5 days he/she gets a prize at school and at home. Then the next week you try for 3 out of 5 days for the prize. If the student doesn’t make his/her goal, there is no punishment, but if he/she makes his/her goal there is a reward. Also the reward has to be something the child really likes. Like 5 minutes on the computer, or a handful of skittles, or 5 extra minutes of freetime. Whatever he/she enjoys doing and would work towards getting that prize.

It may have something to do with changes at home. But realize no matter how well you ask the question to the parents, you might not get an honest answer. I’ve had situations where you can tell parents are getting a divorce, but they say no changes are happening. Then the student will tell me later that day about how dad moved into the spare bedroom. It’s helpful to know information about things that are going on at home so we can help the child adjust, but it’s still a private and personal matter and don’t pry for information.

Things that have worked in the past:

–The book “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn (SP?) It’s about a little raccoon ready to start school. He talks about his fears to his mother. His mother comes up with a great solution to the problem. I’ve had several children change overnight because of this book. Suggest that the parents get a copy of this book.

–I’ve not had a lot of success distracting children with fun things. At least not if they’re really crying. I’ve always had the children look at me with a “you idiot…I don’t want to play. I want my mom” look on their face. This seems to have upset them more because they think I’m not paying attention to what they’re telling me. Instead, I have had success if I do hug them for a while and let them know it’s ok to cry. After a few minutes, I will go over and choose a work from the shelf. I will start doing the work then maybe offer them a part of it to see if they will take it. If not, I just keep going on doing the work. This has NOT always worked, but it has worked enough times to try it with everyone.

–If the child has a good day coming in, quickly find something for them to do like watering the plants, changing the calendar, whatever it is. Then thank them for it and say that they can become the official plant waterer. Every morning when they come in, they can be the one to water the plants. I had a child that cried every morning for almost 2 weeks. During the day, I saw him watering the plants and gave him that “official title.” The next morning, he came in crying and I walked over and got the watering can. He cried when he watered the flowers, but the next day he came in and happily went right for it. He did that for nearly a month.

–This sounds weird, but it honestly works. If you have a co-teacher or assistant, one of you take him to another room. Let him know it’s ok to cry, but we should do it somewhere that we can’t disrupt the class. After a minute or two of him crying and you holding him, explain that you need to clean the classroom. Reassure him that it’s ok to cry and when he’s done crying, you both will head back to the classroom. Get some headphones (the bigger the better) and put them on…you don’t even have to plug it in to anything. Just stick the other end in your pocket. Dance around the room as you clean, occasionally singing a few words or humming a tune. Assuming this works, the “this crying thing isn’t working” look on their face is one you won’t forget.

Those are my top 4 suggestions of what has worked in the past.

Matt

First thing, make sure that the person dropping them off does it quickly and calmly. One hug and kiss and the parent leaves. Even if this means you have to pry the child from the parent.

Have them bring in a special item from home that they can have as long as they don’t cry. A favorite blanket or stuffed animal would work best. This should be something that stays at the preschool. If they cry, tell them they have to put it away until they stop.

A sticker chart is also a wonderful thing. Every day when they arrive let them put a sticker on the chart, even if they cry. As they day goes on if they haven’t cried or have cried only a little, let them put on another sticker. If they continue to cry, they don’t get any more stickers. After a preset number of stickers has been reached they get a special treat like fruit snacks or a small toy.

In my class we have one child that needs to leave the room for a few minutes with a teacher to go get his blanket. After that he’s usually fine. If this child is coming into the room in the middle of your lessons, it may be to overwhelming for them. Maybe a change in schedule would help.

If nothing else works, maybe this child isn’t ready for your room. Maybe they need to be placed in a younger room. Age shouldn’t be the deciding factor for what room a child is placed in.

Hope this helps.

I would say just continue working with the child as I hope you have been all along — giving him a hug, telling him over and over again that it’s okay, Mommy will be back to get him in the afternoon, and distracting him with play.

My kids were enrolled in daycare/preschool for the first time two years ago, almost to the day. For months, my youngest, who was two at the time, cried at my departure. They have both gone through periods of time where they cry for some reason I’ve never understood.

I would suggest you find some time to speak with the mother about if anything is going on that would be stressful at home. Moves (even moves to another bedroom), a new baby, a divorce, a new routine, losing a loved one, grandma coming to live with the family, any kind of major change in the child’s life can cause adjusting to preschool even more difficult than it would be otherwise.

If there are no major events in the child’s life to take into consideration (of course, other than the major event of going from being with Mommy 24/7 to being left at preschool, which is arguably pretty major in itself), talk with the mother about things you can do together to help the child feel more secure. At the suggestion of my youngest child’s preschool teacher, I gave him a small item that would allow him to feel connected to me — a keychain. I bought him a keychain and got an identical one for me, which he knew I kept with my keys. He started out keeping his in his pockets, and believe it or not, having something physical to let him know that I was thinking of him during the day, that it was okay that he miss me, and especially a physical reminder that I WOULD be back to get him, really helped. He kept his keychain in his pocket for about a month, then started keeping it in his cubby except for naptime, when his teacher said he would fall asleep with it in his fist. After a while, the keychain stayed in the cubby most of the time, unless he was just feeling lonely.

But other than trying to soothe and then distract him, I don’t know that there’s a lot else you can do.

If I could get out of work by crying, I’d do it all the time. This might sound a little strange, but is there anyone else who could drop him off in the morning? It just might be the trick to break him out of this pattern. If you’re dedicated to keeping him in this program, then you have two options. You can stay with him all day every day until he feels ready to let you go, or you can stop picking him up for crying. Right now what you are doing is actually reinforcing his crying and anxiety. I recommend that you conference with the director and your son’s teacher and work out a plan to help your son.

What is he or she crying about? Is it just coming to the class or is it behavioral problems?

If they are crying about being in school it will take some time. i had a kindergarten student cry for over a month every day during the beginning of the year. It alleviated after some time and every day it was shorter and shorter. I would maybe suggest trying to give them a task first thing in the morning. Something that would help with your daily routine. This may keep their mind off of the thought of being in school.

I had a 4 year old in my pre-k classroom last year that just couldn’t handle the separation from him mom. After a week of trying everything that had worked before, I started to notice that when his mother carried him from the car to the place where we met every morning that the little boy would wrap his mother’s long hair all around his hands and hook his fingers through her scrunchie. I thought about this and came up with a plan that really worked well. First, I asked the mom to NOT park and walk him to us, but to go through the carline and let me get him out of the car. Walking him in like she was doing was giving him way too much time to think about the separation and he worked himself up into a full blown meltdown by the time she got to us. The second thing I did was ask her for a few of her scrunchies that she used to hold her hair up and I also asked her to spray her favorite perfume on them. I carried them with me everywhere..and when he would start crying, I would slip one onto his wrist. It worked like a charm! Find something that is special to this child and allow him to bring it to school to help with his anxiety.

I agree that some children are just not ready at 4 years old to be in school all day, but it won’t be much easier for them in kindergarten when they are pretty much on their own. If you can get them used to the separation at an early age, they will be eager to transition into kindergarten without all the stress and anxiety of a 1st timer.

maybe she is not ready for pre-school yet or ,suffers seperation anxiety. Does she cry the whole time she is there or does she cry when she is dropped off? If she cries the whole time, she just might not be mature enough for pre-school yet, if on the other hand she only cries when Mom or Dad is leaving,but then settles down, she will probably outgrow it soon. Either way it should be discussed with her parents.

To me, I ‘d have to ask what is she doing. I think pre-school is incredibly important – but not at the cost of a child’s happiness. It is just pre-school (again, not to undermine the importance) but pre-school isn’t mandatory.

You need to have a meeting between yourself, the parents, and your director to determine what is the best for this poor little soul. If it can be managed by a reward plan or if he/she just isn’t ready yet.

Maybe you should try to get him interested into something like a game or coloring or playing with other kids. Try to make it fun for him. He probably doesn’t like to be there. I was a kindergarten teacher and I had kids who were the same. But if they realize how fun it would be it won’t be so bad.