A few days ago
Anonymous

What do you think of my short story? Please help me and give me ideas thanks!!?

Draft #2

Come here Daisy! I said calling my dog. When you think about it I’m actually a lot like my dog. Sure I don’t have fur all over me or anything, but her attitude is a lot like mine.

I am loud like my dog. She bark’s a lot when she doesn’t recognized something or feel’s uncomfortable. Unlike her I talk a lot when I’m comfortable and am around people I know well. But we both make a lot of noise at times.

I try to be friendly just like my dog. Whenever someone walk’s by she rushes up and lick’s them. I’m friendly and like to meet new people too. I might not lick them like my dog does, but I still love to meet new people.

I’m happy just like a dog. Dog’s seem to be happy for no reason. They seem happy just to be alive. I like to think I’m a happy person too, or at least I’m usually happy.

Puppies run a lot too. They like to go for walk’s or just be chased around the yard. I like to run too. It make’s me feel so free to have the wind blowing in my face. It

Top 4 Answers
A few days ago
Ginny O

Favorite Answer

Its really not bad. I think it could use a little restructuring.There are a lot of repeated phrases, I am like a dog because… Try to reword it so its not always starting with the same sentence. Show more of the story by explaining what you do similarly in more of combined story instead of chopping everything into I did…Dog did patterns. Good luck
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A few days ago
Trice101
I think it perfect and i can relate. One thing i like about it is the attention grabber after i read the first two sentences i was stuck

: ) Good Job!

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A few days ago
T-Man
Sounds like a type of poetry, more than a story.
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A few days ago
bunnys’r’cute
wow! thats great! good job! its a great comparison very nice job

i give you your props

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