A few days ago
m23#one

I need help my english paper!!! here is the essay please comment and tell me what I should do 2 make it better

Standing Together

When someone mentions a monument the first thing that comes to mind

is a picture of a statue, or a wall representing great historical value.

But can a monument be more than just a pillar or statue that people can

look at? I believe a monument can exist inside a person. It can be a

memory of something that has happened or even the idea to change the

future.

Throughout history many people have spoken out for what they

believe in. Even though these people were brave enough to say how they

felt and that they were not going to take it anymore; there were other

people that did not share the same belief. I am proposing a monument to

the 2006 walkouts for immigration. This monument is very personal for me

because I was an actual participant and felt the effect of our actions.

First of all, I want to discuss the meaning of a walkout. It is

not something that just happens; rather it is an organized movement. A

walk out is defined as “1. A strike by workers. 2. The act of leaving or

being absent as an expression…of protest” (Dictionary.com). However, a

walkout can have a more powerful meaning than just a strike or the

absence of a person. It is the movement of people that strongly believe in

something and fight for it. It is not just being absent; it consists of

emotions that range from anger to sadness. The power of wanting something

done that will effect many people in a position way.

Our civilizations future depends on how we act now. Our actions

will determine what is to come and the people who fight for their beliefs

know it will forever be a part of history. The students that participated

in the 2006 walkouts, “…taught themselves and the country a fundamental

lesson of democracy and obtained surprising results, positive and

compassionate immigration legislation in the United States Senate”

(PRWeb.com). This showed the whole country that teenagers know what is

right and what is wrong and that their actions can directly impact their

future. The words of today will still be heard tomorrow.

Top 1 Answers
A few days ago
Sarah

Favorite Answer

It’s a good essay. Just work on your transitions. It was hard for me to find where you went from defining walk outs to talking about the one in 2006 for immigration. The transition into defining a walk out is good and is also good as the reader knows what definition you are using in your essay.

Also make sure your thesis (is it supporting a monument for the walk out or that monuments can exist inside of your mind) should be in the first paragraph.

Also, when you say a monument can be inside of a person and then immediately say that you want a monument built for a certain event, you are kind of contradicting yourself or at least it appears to contradict. Work on that.

Also, depending on any length restrictions, maybe argue against some counter arguements. Like monuments should only be built for people who lost their lives doing something big (MLK JR comes to mind) and for wars where tons of people lost their lives (WWI, WWII, Koren, Vietnam), etc. How would you go about showing that a monument for the walkout of 2006 for immigration deserves to be a monument alongside all of those monuments.

0