B. Never start a sentence with the word “and”… it will knock your grade down a letter before the proofreader ever gets started…

C. You don’t need the word “even” after “could not” … another letter grade down…

D. Some times its better to use a little more descriptive words as opposed to lots of pronouns, so that said, I would add in place of “He took this time to look back on his life” and I would type, “He reflected on all the wonderful adventures during his lifespan”….

E. there is probably a coma between “room” and “as”… also, not sure if it is smart to use “as” to start a sentence…

F…..you’ve actually done a great job, so you’re doing the same proofreading and editing I would do… I make most of the same mistakes, sometimes fresh eyes are the best way to see your mistakes.

G….. an idea for ending your sentence, just change the last one a little….because it has a great ending… just need a little fine tuning… ask a couple questions of your hero… what was he feeling? You have what he was thinking down pretty good… so maybe add that he “gasped” or “knew that he had given his all” as the front door burst open. Just some fine tuning, you have done a great job, just need a few tie together words…

hope this helped

It says enough.

the end