Wow, weak intro.

Try something like this:

Music has shaped my life in many ways. I look to music for guidance and comfort as millions of people do daily. There is truth and beauty in music, and it is a uniting force in the world.

Get mushy and personal. That is what the essay is calling for, really.

If u consider in equality could u then evaluate the places wherein there’s inequality and reveal them? In commonplace, whilst and wherein there’s a want for visitor employees a transitority visa is all they must come and paintings a even as. Others can come to interchange them later. There is little need for whole households to burden the approach. Many keep to end up welfare hogs. This creates inequality on the grounds that we who paid our taxes and dues are aiding those freeloaders. I reside with Hispanic immigrants every day and a few paintings rough and diligently however others, even inside their household, loaf and end up a heavy burden at the leisure folks with unending wellbeing care issues and lots of explanations to kick them out for now not residing in a civilized authentic manner. As i acknowledged earlier than, a brief time period visa is satisfactory. And a rotation so others from different nations get an identical hazard. Once they have got a inexperienced card, their conceitedness involves the outside. Hispanic bosses may not rent however their possess type, but once they arrived, they have been employed by means of whites. Now they received’t rent black nor white. It is discrimination and need to be handled within the courts. This is in ur long run and that is inequality. Believing is wishful pondering. If the data inform u the reverse, how can u consider? Isn’t that somewhat dumbwitted?

Since the beginning of time music has touched the lives of everyone. Even as babies cry when they are first born, it’s music to its mother’s ears. For years after-wards, as babies turn into little children, they pick up pieces of wood or just about anything they can pick up in their little hands and will bang it against something to make a drum sound to make music. Music has evolved greatly as the years move onward from tapping or banging sounds, wood on wood, to what it is today. Music appeals to everyone, including myself. Today, I believe music not only influences society, but society influences music.

Well…it’s a different approach. It may not be “strong”, but…something to go on? Wish you luck there.