Another point: you don’t need to write stuff like “the purpose of this essay is to explain why” or “and this brings me to my essay.” Just make your point – those words are what we refer to as wind up language, like you’re winding up to throw a pitch. Just throw the pitch.

Final point: you may want to discuss how there are some very irresponsible 18 years olds and some very responsible 16 year olds rather than saying adults and teens are the same. It’s not necessary to make the later point and the person grading your exam likely won’t agree with your point.

Good luck!

The beginning is pretty bland. When you do your research, look for something more powerful– an anecdote or a statistic. Your first sentence sounds like your thesis, and that should appear at the end of the first paragraph. The last two sentences here (There are two issues to discuss…) are two points that support that thesis. They need to be clarified, but they would make good beginnings for subsequent paragraphs.

I had a teacher in high school who taught us the tornado method of writing an introductory paragraph. Think about how a tornado is wider at the top, and narrows to a point at the bottom. So, start with something broad (the anecdote, etc) and narrow into your thesis.

Make me DESPERATE to read the essay. You have to INTRODUCE the topic, you are diving straight in with minutae.

P.S. I find writing fiction to be so much easier – I can start with a broadsword sliding between the ribs, or a two-handed axe cleaving the head from the shoulders – always gets the attention.