Here are some ideas that might make it even better:

1. Are there any words you can eliminate to make your ideas stand out even more- words like “seemingly” sound really academic but they don’t actually mean anything. Also when you write “Emma’s character” and “who she is as a person”- aren’t those the same thing? If not, is there another way to state it to show your audience the difference?

2. The last sentence is good, I know where you are going, but I’m wondering what’s next- why is it important that Emma is a fully developed character while Harriet is only shallowly developed? Why is Austen so focused on Emma’s character? Is Austen trying to set up a comparison between Emma and Harriet?

Like I said, you’ve done a good job, these suggestions are only meant to help you look at your thesis in a different way. It is difficult to comment on your thesis without seeing how it works with the rest of the paper, but it sounds really interesting!