1) Let’s start with your first sentence. Because this is the first place to grab your reader’s attention (and make a first impression) you want to make sure it is free of errors.

Grammatically, your first sentence seems to say that the heart is located in an area that pumps blood throughout the body. 🙂 Of course, I know you mean that the HEART is the thing that pumps blood, but right now “pumps blood” links back to “the area between the lungs” instead of “a hollow organ.” So you could fix it by adding commas or moving the parts of your sentence around. Also, could you be more specific about the location? “The area between the lungs” doesn’t sound very specific. It’s on the left half of the body, correct? In the ribcage? There must be a more anatomically precise way to describe its location.

2) “without the heart, the lungs would be useless” – I’d push for something more medically accurate. The lungs couldn’t function without blood supply from the heart, or something like that. “Useless” sounds a little like a value judgement rather than an explanation of what happens.

3) I like your penultimate (second-to-last) sentence. You’re clearly setting up a five-paragraph essay format where you will talk about the electrical system, anatomy, and oxygen delivery. But I’m not sure about the last sentence. “Most important” is a pretty big claim. I mean, we’d die without functioning lungs or brains or skin or other organs…what is your criteria for “most” important?

I guess I’m wondering why you need that claim – was it the essay prompt?

I’d want to temper the claim a little bit – “one of the most important organs” or “arguably the most important organ to sustain life” or something.

The thesis statement should be something that can be argued, something that you can support, and something that makes a claim. “most important organ in the body” is a huge claim and pretty hard to defend without setting up all your parameters.

If I were you, I’d write the paper first – you have a working thesis right now, and you may not be completely sure what you are arguing until you’ve written out all your evidence. Maybe after you’ve organized your evidence, you can go back and refine the thesis.

Things to ask yourself and try to answer:

Is this going to be a paper to persuade people to take actions to keep their hearts healthy?

Is this going to explain the functions of the heart and how they work together to achieve a certain goal?

Is this examining all the things that must work together for the body to be kept alive? And if so…what’s being argued about it?

The heart is a hollow organ which is located in the chest area between the lungs. The purpose of the heart is to pump blood throughout the body to support the needs of the various organs, muscles, and nerves in the body. Without a heart, the human body would fail to sustain life. With this in mind, a healthy heart is one which has all of its parts functioning at optimum levels. Without a heart’s independent electrical system, complex anatomy, and efficient oxygen delivery the human body would not be capable of life. T herefore, the heart is the most important organ in the body.

“If God had intended that the genitals were more important than the brain, he would have put a skull around the genitals.”

Comedy aside, you aren’t you without your brain.

So I disagree with your thesis, but that’s not the point. Your last sentence makes for a good thesis.

Your very first sentence needs serious work: it’s quite confusing and I wouldn’t describe the heart as hollow.

Is the heart really a hollow organ? I thought it was filled with stuff….shows what I know.

Good luck!

Now be sure to back it all up, and make sure EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS TO SUPPORT THAT THESIS!

Have fun.

(If you think your teacher is a ‘stick to the formula’ guy, combine the last two sentences with a semicolon, creativity and or a conjunction. And maybe you’ll have to move them to the top- though it usually weakens the paragraph. Technically, though, you did nothign wrong)

The brain said “I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The eyes said “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The hands said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to pick anything up or move anything.. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The stomach said “I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The legs said “Without me we wouldn’t be able to move anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

Then the rectum said “I think I should be in charge.”

All the rest of the parts said “YOU?!? You don’t do anything! You’re not important! You can’t be in charge.”

So the rectum closed up..

After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge..

The moral of the story?

You don’t have to be the most important to be in charge, any asshole can do it..