Help editing this sentence…?

It sounds like a runon to me…or it sounds too wordy…can u help me out with it? Thanks.

She creates a story where the “bad fairy” (19) dressed in “big black boots” (19) ruins the peace in a kingdom by casting “a great dark mist” (211) of death, after the King and Queen do not invite her to the celebration of their first child, Princess Briar Rose.

oops…run-on*

Top 3 Answers

A few days ago

Anonymous

Favorite Answer

She creates a story, where the “bad fairy” (19) dressed in “big black boots” (19) ruins the peace in a kingdom by casting “a great dark mist” (211) of death. After the King and Queen doesn’t invite her to the celebration of their first child, Princess Briar Rose.

thats my best, sorry

if you have some time, can you please help me with my question?

thanksss

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlNVvdwZ7mNfrM9xrMQNCj3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070923154517AAeHKQn

A few days ago

florence192

[Author’s Name] has created a magnificent story that goes as follows: The King and Queen of a kingdom do not invite a “bad fairy” (19) to the celebration of the King and Queen’s first child, Princess Briar Rose. So the fairy, dressed in “big black boots” (19), casts “a great dark mist” (211) of death over the entire kingdom in retribution.

How’s that?

A few days ago

old lady

Not sure what the (19) and (211) references are about, but if you exclude them, the only change I would suggest is to use “failed to invite her” instead of ‘did not invite her’.

It’s a little long, but there is nothing wrong with it. It’s okay for a sentence to be somewhat lengthy – take a look at university texts where you find PAGE-LONG sentences!! Most people are accustomed to the ‘easy-read’ short sentences in newspapers and magazines, but long sentences are valid too.

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