Writing Workshop Final Draft

One of the most memorable experiences I had in my life was the assembly about Rachel’s challenge. This assembly really got to me. It made me think of how lucky I am to have the people I know and love around me every day! This was quite an experience! Here is what happened.

I walked in to the gym right after class wondering what the assembly was about. I got in the gym and took a seat while all the other students rushed in. When everyone was seated, a young lady named Rachel was holding a microphone. She started to tell us that she was going to talk to us about Rachel’s challenge.

As the lady told us about the shooting, she showed us some clips of Rachel, her family, her friends, and people at her school who knew her. I listened to her

telling us about how the girl had been shot in the shooting at Columbine High School. I could feel my emotions coming out! I wanted to cry. It was so sad. One of the

things I noticed as I looked around the room was that everyone looked like they were about to cry as well! The people I knew to be the strongest had looks on there

face of sadness and shock. I went to those same people after the assembly and asked them what they though of it. I would say about one out of every ten I asked

said it touched them. I think it touched us all whether we want to say it or not.

I didn’t know whether I wanted to join the Rachel’s challenge or not. So that night I went on Rachel’s challenge website and wrote down her challenge. I

decided I wanted to take it. For the next month I will see who has chosen to take the challenge and who has not. I am hoping that this assembly touched us all

because I know it touched me!

I feel this experience was a positive life change for me. For the next month I will be writing in a journal. I will also be following Rachel’s five steps. I can’t wait

until I can see how the other people who took her challenge change over the next month. This was one of the most memorable experiences in my life.

Good luck

Writing Workshop Final Draft

One of the most memorable experiences I had in my life was the assembly about Rachel’s Challenge. This assembly really got to me. It made me

think of how lucky I am to have the people I know and love around me every day! This was quite an experience! I walked into the gym right after class wondering what the assembly was about. I arrived at the gym and took a seat while all the other students rushed in. When

everyone was seated, a young lady named Rachel was holding a microphone. She started to tell us that she was going to talk to us about Rachel’s Challenge.

As the lady told us about the shooting, she showed us some clips of Rachel, her family, friends, and people at the school who knew her. I listened to her

telling us about how the girl had been shot in the shooting at Columbine High School. I could feel my emotions coming out! I wanted to cry, it was so sad. One of the

things I noticed as I looked around the room was that everyone looked like they were about to cry too! The people I thought were the strongest had looks on their

faces of sadness and shock. I went to those same people after the assembly and asked them what they thought of it. I would say about one out of every ten I asked

said it touched them. I think it touched us all whether we wanted to admit it or not.

I didn’t know whether I wanted to join Rachel’s Challenge or not. So that night I went on the Rachel’s Challenge website and wrote down her challenge. I

decided I wanted to take it. For the next month, I will see who has chosen to take the challenge and who has not. I am hoping that this assembly touched us all

because I know it touched me!

I feel this experience was a positive life change for me. For the next month I will be writing in a journal. I will also be following Rachel’s five steps. I can’t wait

until I can see how the other people who took her challenge change over the next month. This was one of the most memorable experiences in my life.

### Keep your paragraphs how you had them. My edited version doesn’t show the breaks between them I think. You have to capitalize “Rachel’s Challenge” – (both words) because it’s the name of a program. Also, ‘SoCalucky08’ is right about the contractions and suggestions for better words to use. For a more formal paper, don’t use contractions. (I didn’t include them because I wasn’t sure what requirements your teacher had.) It’s okay to use other people’s suggestions for better words to use in place of your own but don’t deviate too far from your writing style.

Writing Workshop Final Draft

One of the most memorable experiences I had in my life was the ASSEMBLY about Rachel’s challenge. This ASSEMBLY really GOT to me. It made me

REALIZE how lucky I am to have the people I know and TO HAVE love around me every day! This was quite an EXPERIENCE!

(Don’t say “this is what happened”)

I walked INTO(into is one word) the gym right after class wondering what the ASSEMBLY was about. I WALKED in the gym and took a seat while all the other students rushed in. When everyone was seated, a young lady named Rachel was holding a microphone. She started to tell us that she was going to talk to us about Rachel’s challenge.

As the lady EXPLAINED TO us about the shooting, she showed us some clips of Rachel, her family, her friends, and people at her school who knew her. I listened to her

telling us about how the girl had been shot in the shooting at Columbine High School. I FELT my emotions RISING! I wanted to cry. It was HEARTBREAKING(use stronger words). One of the things I NOTICED as I looked around the room was that everyone looked AS IF they were about to cry as well. I COULD SEE SHOCK AND GRIEF IN THE FACES OF THE STRONGEST PEOPLE I KNEW. AFTER THE ASSEMBLY, I TALKED TO THOSE PEOPLE AND ASKED THEM WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF THE ASSEMBLY. I would say about one out of every ten I asked said it touched them. I think it touched us all whether we WANTED (it was the past) to say it or not.

I DID NOT know whether I wanted to join Rachel’s challenge or not. LATER that night, I went on Rachel’s challenge’s website and wrote down THE challenge. I

decided I wanted to take it. For the next month, I will see who has CHOSEN to take the challenge and who has not. I am hoping that this ASSEMBLY touched us all

BECAUSE I know it TOUCHED me.

I feel this LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE WAS DEFINITELY POSITIVE FOR ME. For the next month I will be writing in a journal. I will also be following Rachel’s five steps. I CANNOT wait

until I can see how the other people who took her challenge change over the next month. This was one of the most memorable experiences in my life.

You might go through each sentence and take out unnecessary words. Here’s the first sentence as an example:

One of the most memorable experiences I had in my life was the assembaly about Rachel’s challenge.

It could be shortened and clarified like this:

One of my most memorable experiences was the Rachel’s Challenge assembly.

I know that seems picky, but it cuts six words and sounds clearer.

Still, it’s a style choice, and your original sentence isn’t “wrong.” If you hit a sentence that feels clunky, though, cutting might help.

I like your topic and hope you do well.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!