Can you read the begining of my essay and tell me what you think?
The best way of seeking out success is by responsibility. Success in a work place or any kind of high stress environment can be proven difficult. One of the factors could be competition, everybody is going to “go all out” in trying to get a raise or maybe it could be a higher job position that is the apple of your eye, but could the way to achieve these levels of success be responsibility?
If you’re good at something, the chances are that you can succeed at it, but it’s the responsibility to make the right decisions that make your success stay that way and excel. In Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, the character Elizabeth Bennet felt that it was her responsibility to visit her sister while she was ill, but the only way she could visit was by walking three miles, as the horse had their own job at their farm and their family could not afford to part with one. Elizabeth’s mother did not approve of her walking but Elizabeth did not wish to avoid the walk.
Favorite Answer
The only problem I have is with the last sentence: “One of the factors could be competition, everybody is going to “go all out” in trying to get a raise or maybe it could be a higher job position that is the apple of your eye, but could the way to achieve these levels of success be responsibility?” I think it may be a little bit too long. You might want to break it up after you say “…trying to get a raise” start a new sentence instead of “maybe”. Otherwise I think its great! I love that you used the example from Pride & Prejudice. I think teachers and scorers always like that. Keep up the good work!
I. Introduction
A. Attention Getter
B. Factual Support
C. Thesis statement
II. Body
A. First Main Point
1. Support
2. Support
B. Second Main Point
1. Support
2. Support
C. Third Main Point
1. Support
2. Support
III. Conclusion
A. Wrap up
B. Restate Thesis
C. Ending thought or quote
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