A few days ago
Chess

Any improvements to this sentence?

The complex and lonely trait that Arthur Bremer possessed motivated Peter Gabriel into writing a song about the silent thoughts and emotions of the would-be killer.

Top 4 Answers
A few days ago
Roald Ellsworth

Favorite Answer

Arthur Bremer’s complex loneliness inspired Peter Gabriel to write a song about the would-be killer.
0

A few days ago
picador
“Complex and lonely”, “silent”, “thoughts and emotions” must go! You are writing prose, not poetry.

“Peter Gabriel was sufficiently interested in the disordered mentality of Arthur Bremer – the would-be assassin – that he wrote a song about it.”

Having said that, I must admit that I never heard the song. Maybe it was the nutcase himself, rather than his mentality, that interested Gabriel. In that case, it would conclude with the word “him” instead of “it”.

0

A few days ago
luvbooksswak
Excellent!!!!

Ciao Bella !!!! Bella!!!

It’s very well-written—sounds interesting…

Writing a novel???

Good Luck!!!

0

A few days ago
A G
I think its good.
0