Dear amiekalista22:

I am wondering if your youngest knows that staying home is an option that you are considering and that possibly he is trying to make that happen by his ill behavior. Then again kids can be cruel and maybe, just maybe, he is experiencing harassment with regard to his speech issue this may be something you might want to follow-up on. Overall; if he behaves at home much differently then at school that tells me he is capable of making decisions good or bad if this is true then I would consider keeping him in school. Everyone would much rather be in their comfort zone even adults. However; if your youngest is expected to grow then he needs to venture out by dealing with his new surroundings. Yeah” for Georgia for not taking paddling out of their system. Just what California is missing!!!

Best 2 ya,

Homeschooling him would probably be a good thing, but not to “teach him a lesson”, on some level he is having a very hard time dealing with the school situation.

I can not believe they would keep a Kindergartner in at recess, that would only make his behavior worse since he can’t get out and work off some steam.

A lot of things could be going on, they could be emotional, physical, or chemical, I am not a doctor so I won’t venture a guess as to which. What I do know is that paddling him and confining him inside all day will not help. He needs some gentleness and understanding. I am not saying that there should be no consequences, but the consequences should not be of the kind that makes the problem worse.

Imagine that you have had his background, his parents, try to remember what it felt like to be a small child in a new situation. Would you want to be paddled and kept in at recess too?

I think that this school is not handling the situation well at all. While the boy may have a real behavior problem they are clearly making it worse. I would homeschool him at least until the end of Kindergarten and give him some time to mature. Then I would consider carefully before putting him in First Grade in that school.

I would request in writing that the school perform educational evaluations. Even very intelligent, gifted children, can struggle in certain aspects of formal schooling. Start with an evaluation (the school shouldn’t complain if the teacher can’t handle him already) I’d also ask for a ‘functional behavior analysis’ (FBA).

Obviously paddling hasn’t worked, so I’d stop that for now, unless you want to build up some type of aggression loop. I’d also insist that he has recess every day, and find another, more logical consequence for his behaviors. You might also request a different teacher.

Maybe he needs more one-on-one, perhaps he has a learning disorder, maybe some reward system would work better than just keeping him in from recess.

I say that because tactile learners are ones that will learn best through movement, and those are the ones most destroyed by public school’s inability to work outside the box for differently learning kids. In fact, removing recess is going to exasperate the situation, he NEEDS to burn off energy. His self-esteem will be destroyed, as well as his love of learning, and the school is setting up a trend for the rest of his academic career (“I can’t do well, so I might as well cause trouble”)

I’m curious as to where the parents are and if their absence or inability to be involved in the child’s education could be a contributing factor.

Homeschooling isn’t for ‘teaching’ a lesson or showing him how ‘serious’ a situation is. He’s a young child who has adults failing him. Homeschooling would be wonderful for a child who isn’t fitting into the round hole the school has picked out for him. If he already has a speech issue, I would also wonder what else is going on.

Are these children no longer with their biological parents because they are both in prison and took drugs when pregnant with him? Maybe he has seem too much at home and been thru a lot that has caused him to lash out like this. He isn’t like this with you probably because he feels secure and comfortable with you.

He may not be ready to deal with the structure at school which is totally normal for most kids that haven’t even been thru anything.

I would see if there is a way that you could observe from the side to maybe get a clue what might be going on in the school setting. You have every right to do this. This might help the teacher too in figuring out what might be a better solution to getting him to settle down a bit and learn the routine without disturbing the class. Sounds like this Teacher has never dealt with children that aren’t all compliant. I am sorry, but this world is full of bright people that march to their own drum. he may be bored, he could be having problems with the social situation, not enough time to do what he wants to do, etc. Could be anything. Your job is to try to help to figure this out. Make sure he is healthy and no underlying medical problems that might be causing this first and then go from there.

I don’t think it is appropriate to ever strike a child for not listening or being active even if they don’t have add or adhd. It is simply showing him that violence is ok. Did his parents spank him a lot? He could be lashing out too for that. Maybe Teacher yelling at him or having no patience is bothering him? I don’t know why teachers and parents alike treat their kids like little children that can’t think or don’t think about things. They are like us. They have fears, wants, desires, deserve just as much respect as adults. I personally feel that if he just started all of this when he started school then it is something their that is bothering him. Have you talked to him while he is alone and ask him if anything is bothering him. Let him have time to talk. Sit down and color or play a game with him and maybe this will allow him to open up to you and talk to you about things so you can get some insight on what he might be thinking or feeling.

I wish you the best. I hope everything works out and I would sign something that doesn’t allow them to lay a finger on him. That only makes things worse. I would rather them call me then to do that.

Oh my, I wish you peace and joy this year. I just finished up homeschooling my kindergartner and we are going on to 2nd grade. Please take him out of the school system before he creates a stigma for himself that he will have to overcome later. Do you realize Georgia ranked close to the bottom in education? I just recently moved from there and have been there all my life. Your nephew seems to be having some issues inside. He needs some special one on one time with a loving care giver to help him adjust to whatever he is going through. The school system cannot help him and they will only put him to the side instead of trying, I have been there and done that. There is no reason for the way the authorities have handled this child so far and should really be shamed of their reactions. Please email me and I would love to offer any and all advice I have for you. Whatever the issue is just know it will be alright and you can get through this and what you are doing is wonderful! No one is perfect!

A kindergartener is not going to “see that this is serious” by pulling him out of school. He’s a young child, not one developmentally capable of making that sort of reasoning.

It doesn’t sound like he needs more punishment or ‘tough love’, but just plain love and acceptance. Kids who seek attention like that are wanting to be accepted, acknowledged. Paddling, while giving him negative attention, STILL isn’t giving him the acceptance and affection he is craving. Punishing him daily by refusing to allow him to go out for recess has undoubtedly already given him the idea that at school, he’s the ‘bad kid’, so he’s going to keep acting up.

The school environment sounds awful for him–after a quarter pulled out of school, why would he have any desire to go back to such an uncaring place? A place where he’s the bad one who gets paddled and has to stay inside and all kinds of other punishments?

Kids behave badly because they feel badly. Your nephew has stuff going on inside him that punishment and trying to get him to take school seriously are not going to correct. I would recommend homeschooling, making sure that you find out all you can in parenting techniques to help him grow or that you see about suitable counselling. His sense of self sounds aleady damaged, but it can be corrected if things are taken care of soon.

You must do something! Request to be moved to another teacher or request a team teacher’s meeting to discuss his progress. He seems to be on a negative path and at this point anything he does positive must be rewarded. You have to break the negative cycle. Set up a behavior plan with the teacher to where every 30mins he can be rewarded. Also, involve the school counselor. She was a great positive motivator for my daughter when my daughter would act up.

Homeschooling is not a punishment for not doing well in public school. Homeschooling is a lifestyle, geared towards what is best for the child. Have him evaluated by professionals, he might just need counseling. Homeschooling is great but again, not a punishment.

I wouldn’t suggest just taking him out of kindergarten. That’s not approaching the issue.

Ask his doctor what is going on. Just because your other newphews and nieces are bright doesn’t mean he is promised to be the same.

Does he need agression therapy? What?

My advice…. Learn to spell “kindergartener” and at least some minimal grammar skills before you try to teach anyone.